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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Alzheimer's / January 2005opinions?
we're having some discussion re: dealing with my MILs newest ~behaviour~ ... i.e. that of being nasty, demanding and downright RUDE. My thought is that, while I'm certainly not going to reward rude behaviour, since she's no longer capable of reason/learning, it's NOT appropriate to attach consequences to it or whatever... others are more along the lines of "if she's acting like a child, we're going to treat her like a child" ... consequences, trying to explain...... the phrase "you can't let her get away with ...." has come up several times. Personally, I don't see where we have much choice BUT to "let her get away with it" ... it's not something she's doing deliberately or with true malice - and I can't think of any consequences that I could use that would mean a hill o' beans to her... she might clue in that she's being punished, but no WAY she's ever going to make the connection between her own behaviour and that. And she's sure as ....well, something.... not going to learn from it. I'm voting for a simple 'stop! that's rude' and move on .... distract her, apologize for her, whatever.... but then let it go - thoughts? > we're having some discussion re: dealing with my MILs newest ~behaviour~ > ... i.e. that of being nasty, demanding and downright RUDE. [quoted text clipped - 21 lines] > I'm voting for a simple 'stop! that's rude' and move on .... distract her, > apologize for her, whatever.... but then let it go - thoughts? You are right, of course. There is no way she is ever going to connect it with her behavior. A simple reminder to stop that is the best you could hope for in affecting her actions. I don't know why it is so hard for other people to get that simple thought, that our loved one cannot remember what they said or did, not even what we told them 5 seconds ago. Caregivers like you usually "get it" fastest, but others take longer. Because the person looks like the person we have always known, we fail to realize that their brain is sick with a real illness that robs them slowly but surely of the ability to recall anything. A reprimand would be met with a blank look of incredulity... it would be as though it fell out of the sky with no frame of reference. Because for them, there is no frame of reference. I found myself doing it too even when I knew it. They really don't know what they did or said or whether it was appropriate or inappropriate, and if you reprimand them, they have no idea what it is for. Complex thought like planning things out, like having a motive in mind, all that is in the past. "Letting them get away" with stuff no longer is relevant. They are on some kind of automatic pilot now, and they are going to do what they are going to do. Better to just do your best to deal with the moment the best way you can, and let them be happy as it is possible to be. So, Lee, you have my vote.... you have discovered the most important aspect of caring for a person with alzheimers. You are absolutely right in this.....  SignatureRegards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") I think that part of the difficulty hubby is having is that he knew her 'when...' I didn't.... she was in the earlier stages when I met him/them.. but already diagnosed, anyway. His inclination (and he is the one whose opinion I really care about) is to respond to her the way she would have dealt with any of HER children if they had "pulled that sort of ----" He also has major issues re: anyone treating me with a lack of respect ... my kids get in trouble for it on occasion when they're here, and now his mom is doing it as well. Guess all I can do is keep trying to help him to adjust *sigh* And, at the current rate of deterioration, it's likely that this too shall pass. That's becoming my mantra for dealing with this disease.... the only ~good~ thing about it is that because she's constantly (and quickly) losing ground, the behaviours that I can't stand change, too Home care supervisor is coming next week - will be definitely going ahead with day program (am thinking I might be REALLY selfish and have her go on a day when I'm NOT working all day - she's getting to the point that I can no longer get much done working from home and taking care of her; too many interuptions) She'll likely hate it and make a fuss about going ... but it'll be brand new each week anyway - and really, it's to her benefit. (begin rationalization now) ... she has always been very clear about wanting to stay at home; no nursing homes... so - this, for now, is the ~cost~ ... I need to work, I need to maintain my sanity, I need time to myself ... if she goes to day care 1 or 2 days a week, that frees up home care hours for the rest of the week and I last longer. We've also been talking, but not yet made an absolute decision, about putting her name in for long term care... we're not quite there yet - but seeing the people in my grandmother's ward certainly made me see that we're likely to get there, perhaps sooner than we think. Hubby is pretty clear that if I weren't here and doing it, she'd be placed already. funny what those ~straws that break the camel's back~ are though ... we're handling incontinence without much problem ... the absolute rudeness - and her need to be able to SEE someone (preferably me) at all times - are causing a lot more strain. I'm afraid, too, that we're very close to having to move our bedroom downstairs - that could well be THE straw. > > we're having some discussion re: dealing with my MILs newest ~behaviour~ > > ... i.e. that of being nasty, demanding and downright RUDE. [quoted text clipped - 48 lines] > of caring for a person with alzheimers. You are absolutely right in > this..... > His inclination (and he is the one whose opinion I really care about) is to > respond to her the way she would have dealt with any of HER children if they [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > Guess all I can do is keep trying to help him to adjust *sigh* the best thing for HIM to do is to attend an alzheimers' caregivers' support group, so he can understand that it really does happen to everyone with this disease. if it doesn't come from you, but from others that are dealing with this problem and who agree with your approach, maybe that will get through the remaining denial. the group would also tell him that he's already grieving and it's OK to do so, because the loss is already happening. (((Lee))) please do what you need to do to take care of you! I myself learned that the hard way... And Dennis made a wonderful suggestion. It did so much for me to join a caregiver's support group, and I also got counseling through our pastoral institute. My counselor did much to help me understand and work with my feelings about this situation. donnah >I think that part of the difficulty hubby is having is that he knew >her [quoted text clipped - 159 lines] >> in >> this..... Hi Lee, >I think that part of the difficulty hubby is having is that he knew her > 'when...' I didn't.... she was in the earlier stages when I met > him/them.. > but already diagnosed, anyway. Yes. I sometimes forget that my husband had a long history with his mom, after all, he has known her all his life. I am more inclined, like you, to relate to her as she is now. He has a greater context in his knowledge of her. > His inclination (and he is the one whose opinion I really care about) is > to > respond to her the way she would have dealt with any of HER children if > they > had "pulled that sort of ----" Apparently he has forgotten that one important element.... the fact that alzheimers robs the person of the ability to retain a memory, therefore his way of "teaching" her any sort of better behavior is an exercise in futility. The way she dealt with her children becomes irrelevant, of course. He also has major issues re: anyone > treating me with a lack of respect ... my kids get in trouble for it on > occasion when they're here, and now his mom is doing it as well. That is probably a good trait when it refers to the kids, but in the case of his mother, although you probably appreciate the spirit of it, it is a waste of time. She is unable to change her behavior. Believe me, I tried. Ida could drive you nuts sometimes, and come to mention it, she was often inclined to say mean things to me in front of our friends. It was her way of strutting her stuff. Years ago when she could be held accountable for it, it was the cause of a lot of estrangement between her and I. Later on I realized it was just a bad habit, and she had no clue anymore. > Guess all I can do is keep trying to help him to adjust *sigh* Just keep reminding him gently too :-) > And, at the current rate of deterioration, it's likely that this too shall > pass. That's becoming my mantra for dealing with this disease.... the only > ~good~ thing about it is that because she's constantly (and quickly) > losing > ground, the behaviours that I can't stand change, too Yes. I can remember the relief I felt when Ida began to lose some of her most annoying repetitive phrases, questions and behaviors. But it had a dark side, she was losing neurons in her brain, one at a time, and often abilities too. > Home care supervisor is coming next week - will be definitely going ahead > with day program (am thinking I might be REALLY selfish and have her go on > a > day when I'm NOT working all day - I truly hope you do this. I think the thing that was hardest was the loss of my self, the time I spent alone, doing the things I wanted to do. When we got her into a daycare program, it was wonderful. We could shop again, sleep and take a nap if needed, organize her room without her being there, do wash, take a leisurely bath, so many things. Those things extremely important to your sense of self. It becomes extremely grating to be a caregiver, continuously vigilant, always patient. It is like being the parent of a newborn sometimes....... The only thing I could honestly compare it to as it becomes so consuming. YOU are important too. she's getting to the point that I can no > longer get much done working from home and taking care of her; too many > interuptions) She'll likely hate it and make a fuss about going ... but > it'll be brand new each week anyway - and really, it's to her benefit. > (begin rationalization now) ... It isn't just about her. She needs the stimulation to keep whatever faculties she now has, and you need to get some alone time to regroup. If you want to call it rationalization, go ahead, but I assure you that I honestly believe with all my heart that daycare is GOOD for a person with alzheimers as well as for the caregivers at home. >she has always been very clear about wanting > to stay at home; no nursing homes... so - this, for now, is the ~cost~ > ... > I need to work, I need to maintain my sanity, I need time to myself ... if > she goes to day care 1 or 2 days a week, that frees up home care hours for > the rest of the week and I last longer. Yes, Ida was the same. She really complained about going to daycare, but I saw her there when she didn't know I was watching. She griped and moaned about going every day, but she enjoyed herself there enormously and carried home all sorts of crafts and colored pictures and little mementoes. They kept them busy and took them on little excursions and had people come and entertain them. They had therapy dogs, a whole class of kindergarten kids that came to visit, a boat trip on the river, picnic lunches in the park, lunch occasionally at a diner, young musicians who came to play for them, every holiday was celebrated, every birthday was a party..... Hey, who wouldn't enjoy all that fuss! The alternative at home? TV, helping to fold laundry, occasionally helping me make homemade soup (she used to be able to cook really well, and chopping veggies for homemade soup kept her busy and made her feel useful). I just didn't have the time to provide enough stimulus for her, and the folks at the daycare center were professionals and it was their JOB to do that! > We've also been talking, but not yet made an absolute decision, about > putting her name in for long term care... we're not quite there yet - but > seeing the people in my grandmother's ward certainly made me see that > we're > likely to get there, perhaps sooner than we think. Hubby is pretty clear > that if I weren't here and doing it, she'd be placed already. Lee, if I were you I wouldn't wait. It takes time. There are things to be filled out and stuff that has to go through channels. When YOU are ready, you may be sorry that you didn't move on it sooner. I know that in our case, we ended up with a few more months at home than we really would have liked, because I didn't want to rush it, and maybe I waited a little too long because of that. I dreaded giving up my "baby" in fear she wouldn't adapt, would be confused or lost, may not adjust...... you know the bit. It was all for naught. She adapted and adjusted just fine. The people in the nursing home were experts and knew just how to manage her. They had the right equipment, the right people, the experience.....it worked out sooner and better than I ever thought it would. > funny what those ~straws that break the camel's back~ are though ... we're > handling incontinence without much problem ... the absolute rudeness - [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > I'm afraid, too, that we're very close to having to move our bedroom > downstairs - that could well be THE straw. We did it as long as we could, and maybe a little longer than we should have. The relief we both felt when we finally left her in the nursing home was tempered by our feeling a tad guilty and of course our concern for her. But we did the best we could and she had a VERY good last few years with the one person she loves more than anyone in the world, her son. We finally realized that we should not feel guilt and enjoy the relief. That is where we are "at" right now. Take that time she is in daycare to ask around about local facilities. Visit a couple.... get some brochures and talk to some people. Pick up some applications. This is NOT something you want to do in a rush. In our case we were hoping so much for the county infirmary which has a fabulous reputation around here. They had a long waiting list. Instead we placed her in our second choice facility, and even when our name came up for the first place, we decided to stay where she was. It turned out to be the best arrangement. She is well cared for and we are happy with it from all aspects. SignatureRegards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") Evelyn, thank you for sharing these wise words! I have also found that when my Mum gets into this "moods" that it is best if I just make a short and gentle reply...and change the subject. It usually distracts her and she goes on to something else, and that is usually something less hurtful. donnah >> we're having some discussion re: dealing with my MILs newest >> ~behaviour~ [quoted text clipped - 59 lines] > aspect of caring for a person with alzheimers. You are absolutely > right in this..... Lee, I've been caring for mom going on nine years at home and her behavior has gone from rude to just nasty in the last few weeks. I can read between your lines how frustrated you are because I'm in the same boat. I had company today that although compassionate had a hard time accepting my mother's verbal abuse. The names she called all of us were just terrible and she even threatened to smack him and probably would have if she could of gotten close enough, lol. In the past she's talked about wanting to kill herself or has accused us of trying to murder her but now she talks about it ALL the time. You try to make their lives as comfortable and happy as possible and in return get all this abuse. I know, I know it's the disease but some days I just feel like screaming. Raven all of a sudden she doesn't seem quite so bad! Rude as all hell (today it was towards the home care worker) ... but not to that extent. She's lost a LOT of her communication skills just in the last little bit... seems to understand less than 80% of what's said to her, and most of what she SAYS is pretty much gibberish - she used to have trouble finding the right words, but could usually make herself understood - now she seems mostly unaware that she's talking absolute nonsense...SHE knows what she means, maybe, but it's mostly pure guesswork on my part to figure it out (going "up the hill" = going to bed, this week, for example) How is it that she's lost the words for her teeth, glasses, going to bed, the washroom, whatever... but all of a sudden she's FOUND the words to insult people and meals she's given and so on and so on .....? LOL Just plain ol' bad planning, that! Speaking of teeth, anyone had any experience with having to put in/take out other people's false teeth? I haven't... but she is having more and more trouble doing it all the time - 'tis one of those things that I would prefer NOT to take over, but.... > Lee, > [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > > Raven Lee, my dad threw his teeth across the room and broke them. I didn/t have them replaced. The NH had to serve him soft food. Gwen > all of a sudden she doesn't seem quite so bad! Rude as all hell (today it > was towards the home care worker) ... but not to that extent. [quoted text clipped - 34 lines] > > > > Raven Lee, I have to help my mom put in her teeth occasionally.Yes,it can be gross.And my mom's incontinence is so bad some days she poo's her pants.But i am determined to continue and i am one of those people it really doesn't bother.I am very lucky that way.I try to look for the things i am not having to deal with.She stays in bed,sleeps most nights,does go potty quite often,she's able to walk around most days with little or no help.But i have noticed a huge decline in her speech.She has had AZ.for about 8 years now.One thing i too notice is i need to be where she can see me.Even if my hubby is in her view.I too noticed if i leave for a few hours she almost punishes me when i get home.Lets me know she's mad cause i was gone.I personally think its because she thinks i am not coming back.I have chosen to take her with as much as possible but its been 25 below here in Minnesota.NOT taking her out !!!!! I also worry about her when shes not with me as if she was my child.Anyone else ever feel that way?Sorry so long,Barb > Speaking of teeth, anyone had any experience with having to put in/take > out > other people's false teeth? I haven't... but she is having more and more > trouble doing it all the time - 'tis one of those things that I would > prefer > NOT to take over, but.... Hi Lee, Ida once lost her teeth and we absolutely could not find them. Still havent as a matter of fact. During the time it took to get new ones made, she actually learned to eat well without them. She began to find greater and greater difficulty getting the teeth in and out of her mouth as time went on. As of now, she still has the partial bridge, and the nurses take it out and keep it overnight at the nurses station. They do this with hearing aid too. Saves a lot of time hunting for these items. SignatureRegards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") Our experience with the teeth thing was that once she reached a certain point in the illness, we had to give up on them. She got to a point where she didn't seem to really understand what they were for, so she'd fight anyone trying to put them in (both plate and partial), and she'd also take them out and put them in strange places so we were always getting calls they'd disappeared and everyone was hunting. No matter how we or the staff in the AD ward approached it, teeth became the cause of a number of flip outs (including a massive meltdown at Christmas time when we were trying to bring her home for a family dinner)so finally we realized it was pointless and gave up. Since she needed a soft diet for other reasons than lack of teeth around the same time, due to the advance of the dementia (problems swallowing, handling mixed texture, forgetting to chew etc. etc.), wearing or not wearing the teeth was really a cosmetic issue. Since it didn't seem to bother her at all, we just quit. It did make her look a bit odd, but she was past caring or being aware of appearances. Mary G. > Lee, PLEASE use "reply" to reply to a post instead of starting a completely separate thread with your reply. That's what makes Usenet News work, since news server software and your newsreader program (or webtv's) use info from the post to which you reply to provide the links that keep all the posts in one thread. > In the past she's talked about wanting to kill herself or has accused us > of trying to murder her but now she talks about it ALL the time. You > try to make their lives as comfortable and happy as possible and in > return get all this abuse. I know, I know it's the disease but some > days I just feel like screaming. talk to her doc about some meds, perhaps an anti-depressant to stop the suicidal stuff. ask her primary care doc for a referral to a geriatric psychiatrist experienced with dementias. Raven, on days like that--I do come home and scream! Sometimes it's what keeps me going! 'Course I don't know what my neighbors think when I do this <g> donnah > Lee, > [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > > Raven Raven I completely understand where your coming from.I sometimes hold my breath when anyone comes over.My moms oxygen man was here to fill her tank and she told him to call the cops when he left cause we were holding her hostage. We got to talking and he told me of a patient who was drinking when he got there and pointed a gun at him. Yes it sometimes grinds on my nerves.But company has to try to understand. Barb >Raven > I completely understand where your coming from.I sometimes hold my >breath when anyone comes over.My moms oxygen man was here to fill her >tank and she told him to call the cops when he left cause we were >holding her hostage. I should try that; break up some of the boredom :-p > We got to talking and he told me of a patient who was drinking when he >got there and pointed a gun at him. > Yes it sometimes grinds on my nerves.But company has to try to >understand. Barb - Mod as a hooter! Anthony, Believe me it broke up the boredom.We all got a good laugh out of it.Today i helped her in the bathroom and she had her eyes closed.I asked her why and she said she didn't want the pee to splash in her eyes.Of course with a grin on her face.So she keeps us laughing too.Barb >Anthony, > Believe me it broke up the boredom.We all got a good laugh out of >it.Today i helped her in the bathroom and she had her eyes closed.I >asked her why and she said she didn't want the pee to splash in her >eyes.Of course with a grin on her face.So she keeps us laughing too.Barb That's largely what I think is wrong with the world today. There's just not enough "P" jokes :-) - Mod as a hooter! >>Anthony, >> Believe me it broke up the boredom.We all got a good laugh out of [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] >That's largely what I think is wrong with the world today. There's just not >enough "P" jokes :-) Speaking of which, if you have a dog that stops to sniff and water every tree, don't hurry him - his Pmail is as important to him as your Email is to you. >>>Anthony, >>> Believe me it broke up the boredom.We all got a good laugh out of [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > every tree, don't hurry him - his Pmail is as important to him as > your Email is to you. LOL! Q: where do bees pee? A: at the BP Station SignatureRegards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") Lee, you are exactly correct. Don't let anybody convince you any differently. Gwen > we're having some discussion re: dealing with my MILs newest ~behaviour~ > ... i.e. that of being nasty, demanding and downright RUDE. [quoted text clipped - 17 lines] > I'm voting for a simple 'stop! that's rude' and move on .... distract her, > apologize for her, whatever.... but then let it go - thoughts? >we're having some discussion re: dealing with my MILs newest ~behaviour~ >... i.e. that of being nasty, demanding and downright RUDE. [quoted text clipped - 17 lines] >I'm voting for a simple 'stop! that's rude' and move on .... distract her, >apologize for her, whatever.... but then let it go - thoughts? You are right - and punishment certainly won't help. You have to cope with it, until she goes into a different phase. All I can suggest is that you try to work out what - if anything - triggers the rudeness and try to avoid those actions or situations. But I'm sure you've already thought of that. AD's a bitch... > we're having some discussion re: dealing with my MILs newest ~behaviour~ > ... i.e. that of being nasty, demanding and downright RUDE. [quoted text clipped - 21 lines] > I'm voting for a simple 'stop! that's rude' and move on .... distract her, > apologize for her, whatever.... but then let it go - thoughts? As everyone else has said, and you, 'consequences' arent relevant here. Its not a word that has meaning or could have meaning for someone that cannot recall what happened more than 30 seconds ago. I think your husband 'just doesnt get it'. My father sometimes says silly little phrases. nothing abusive but irritating if you've heard the exact same phrase maybe 200 times in the last hour :-) If you ask him to stop he'll stop for 10 seconds, then start again. There is absolutely nothing you could do that would prevent him, in the way of 'training him'. Distraction is all that works. SignatureTumbleweed email replies not necessary but to contact use; tumbleweednews at hotmail dot com Lee, My mom can be rude and demanding too.I do tell her it's not nice,but i do not carry on about it.Like you said it wouldn't mean a hill of beans to them .And more than likely put them in a worse mood if you yelled.Good Luck,Barb >I'm voting for a simple 'stop! that's rude' and move on .... distract her, >apologize for her, whatever.... but then let it go - thoughts? Thank you for that Lee! In my case, I don't set out to offend people but I do do so! It embarrasses my wife/ carer but I can't help it. I'm only aware of doing so after the act and so can't to much about it at the time but only hope that I can become more conscious of it beforehand. - Mod as a hooter! I would go with your approach. I teach 4 and 5 year olds. I often come home to care for my MIL and think I'm back at work with the same age group. A simple "stop...that's not ok" deals with the unacceptable behavior as it happens and give a clear and precise message. This works with my preschoolers and it does work with my MIL. > we're having some discussion re: dealing with my MILs newest ~behaviour~ > ... i.e. that of being nasty, demanding and downright RUDE. [quoted text clipped - 21 lines] > I'm voting for a simple 'stop! that's rude' and move on .... distract her, > apologize for her, whatever.... but then let it go - thoughts? I can relate....this was a hard one for me as well....my mom has always been controlling manipulative and mean.....now thats shes in the place she is with not remembering five minutes later what she said I have finally "got it"....so when I am on the phone with her and she starts this stuff I just hang up.....wait awhile call her back and its all forgotten she doesnt even remember but it never ceases to amaze me that she has NO memory of what she said five minutes ago but she can pull up stuff from my past and use it against me in a NY second....I learned that I will NOT let her push my buttons....I simply hang up....I am sure she is probably still yelling and cursing me ten minutes after I hung up....she calls and leaves the most nasty messages....I used to call her and argue with her....now I just delete the message wait awhile then call HI mom how are you??? shes not even aware of the injuries she has inflicted.....one thing I have learned to is how to lie....decieve....which really hurts me cause I have never lied to my parents in my whole life....but sometimes its easier than telling the truth opinions? Group: alt.support.alzheimers Date: Thu, Jan 13, 2005, 6:55pm (CST+1) From: sleeplessinwherever@hotmail.com (Lee) we're having some discussion re: dealing with my MILs newest ~behaviour~ .. i.e. that of being nasty, demanding and downright RUDE. My thought is that, while I'm certainly not going to reward rude behaviour, since she's no longer capable of reason/learning, it's NOT appropriate to attach consequences to it or whatever... others are more along the lines of "if she's acting like a child, we're going to treat her like a child" ... consequences, trying to explain...... the phrase "you can't let her get away with ...." has come up several times. Personally, I don't see where we have much choice BUT to "let her get away with it" ... it's not something she's doing deliberately or with true malice - and I can't think of any consequences that I could use that would mean a hill o' beans to her... she might clue in that she's being punished, but no WAY she's ever going to make the connection between her own behaviour and that. And she's sure as ....well, something.... not going to learn from it. I'm voting for a simple 'stop! that's rude' and move on .... distract her, apologize for her, whatever.... but then let it go - thoughts? >I can relate....this was a hard one for me as well....my mom has always >been controlling manipulative and mean.....now thats shes in the place [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] >stuff from my past and use it against me in a NY second....I learned >that I will NOT let her push my buttons....I simply hang up.... My personal experience is that recent memories are lost almost immediately but long term ones - seem to be - unaffected (I'm still in the early stages of the disease and I don't know if that makes much of a difference. - Mod as a hooter! Boydette, we don't call them lies; we call it loving deception. It is not only better for you; it is also better for them. Gwen > I can relate....this was a hard one for me as well....my mom has always > been controlling manipulative and mean.....now thats shes in the place [quoted text clipped - 36 lines] > I'm voting for a simple 'stop! that's rude' and move on .... distract > her, apologize for her, whatever.... but then let it go - thoughts? one thing I have learned to is how to lie....decieve....which really hurts me cause I have never lied to my parents in my whole life....but sometimes its easier than telling the truth opinions? My opinion is to agree with a AD loved one or even tell a lie is ok.Because even in the Bible God told them not to work on the sabbath.It was a sin.BUT,when an animal was stuck in the crick God said Go save it even though it was a sabbath.Because you have to be reasonable in all things.To not lie or agree would only be causing problems at the loved ones expense.So i don't think your doing anything wrong.And you certainly don't have to feel guilt.JMO,Barb > one thing I have learned to is how to lie....decieve....which really > hurts me cause I have never lied to my parents in my whole life....but > sometimes its easier than telling the truth Sometimes its harder...the key point is its preferable. > opinions? > > My opinion is to agree with a AD loved one or even tell a lie is > ok.Because even in the Bible God told them not to work on the sabbath.It > was a sin. Yebbut in the bible it also reccommends to kill people who sow two different crops in a field,aor don't obey the sabbath. And I dont suppose you any of those do you? However, if you do decide to take it up literally, I' be glad I'm on a different continent to you (Unless you have access to nukes?). Please keep religion out of these groups, and note that as you found, your opinion re lying works considerably better than advice from goat herders from three thousand years ago. SignatureTumbleweed email replies not necessary but to contact use; tumbleweednews at hotmail dot com Tumbleweeeeeed, OOPs,hit wrong button Tumbleweed, I was NOTTTTT bringing in religion.If you have such a damm problem with it then maybe you ought to examine yourself.Furthermore,i recall seeing plenty of posters mentioning some form of religion in here.I for one will not stand up for you as i find you controlling,hateful,and miserable and it comes out in this group.So if i choose to use Biblical examples i will. Barb >one thing I have learned to is how to lie....decieve....which really >hurts me cause I have never lied to my parents in my whole life....but >sometimes its easier than telling the truth >opinions? I wouldn't regard what you're doing as lying! You are creating the best environment for their existance in the world (mind) they have to deal with. It would be shameful to not do so and, instead, reveal to them our reality that is denied to them by the failing chemistry of their organs. What would be shameful, is if you treated them as being fully compis mentis and not protecting them from the reality of the affliction they suffer from. I went to the supermarket this afternoon and found my next door neighbour - of some years ago - sitting outside the entrance. The moved away a few years ago after he was diagnosied with A.D. I chatted to him for a while without mentioning my own AD (because it seemed gratuituous). As I left, I asked him about his wife but couldn't remember her name - he did, at least :-) - Mod as a hooter! |
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