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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Alzheimer's / January 2005Mom won't bathe
We are having problems getting my mother to bathe. She is very obstinate, stubborn and goes ballistic when we gently suggest getting a visiting nurse for her once or twice a week to help with bathing. I do her laundry whenever I'm over there, and wherever I manage to find some dirty laundry as she seems to have hiding places. She keeps saying she had a bath but we know she hasn't. My father is extremely impatient with her. The way he speaks to her at times is so hurtful to me because I know my mother can't help repeating herself, etc. If she asks a question multiple times, I act as if each time is the first time. This has put added strain between my relationship with my father. There's an old saying that used to hang on a plaque in my parents' bathroom: "It's easy enough to be pleasant when life goes by like a song, but the man worthwhile is the man with a smile when everything goes dead wrong." It no longer hangs there. > We are having problems getting my mother to bathe. She > is very obstinate, stubborn and goes ballistic when we [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] > but the man worthwhile is the man with a smile when > everything goes dead wrong." It no longer hangs there. =========================================== Rosie, my MIL...exhibited similar behavior when she lived with us and all we could do was give things time to calm down and try again. Probably not what you wish to hear but it's time to consider placing mom in a nursing home if no one in the family can give her 24/7 supervision.  SignatureJohn Inzer return e-mail disabled >Probably not what you wish to hear but >it's time to consider placing mom in a >nursing home if no one in the family can >give her 24/7 supervision. I think the above might be much improved by a slight change: Probably not what you wish to hear but it _might be_ time to consider placing your mom in a nursing home if no one in the family can give her 24/7 supervision. - Mod as a hooter! >>Probably not what you wish to hear but >>it's time to consider placing mom in a [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > - > Mod as a hooter! ============================== Thanks anyway, but I prefer my version. To me...the word "consider" means...give it some thought...and I think that's the appropriate action. If someone could be with mom 24/7 they would discover that she may be in worse condition than they currently realize. SignatureJohn Inzer return e-mail disabled > We are having problems getting my mother to bathe. She is very obstinate, > stubborn and goes ballistic when we gently suggest getting a visiting [quoted text clipped - 15 lines] > song, but the man worthwhile is the man with a smile when everything goes > dead wrong." It no longer hangs there. refusing to bathe is very common in alzheimer patients. my mother in law did not bathe for a very long time when she started showing signs of alzheimers disease. the reason is partly because any thing involving a series of actions is very confusing to them. at first she argued and fought against getting a shower, but my husband insisted and would not take no for an answer. it was the shortest shower in record, but it was a beginning. later on i took over the job of assisting her and she accepted it without any problems at all. perhaps because i was very patient with her and being helped by another woman was acceptable to her, or perhaps because she just grew accustomed to taking gentle direction from me, but ultimately we had no arguments whatsoever about it. i never let her shower alone, i helped her and directed her. this took some of the confusion out of the process. she absolutely cannot help repeating herself. yelling at her for it is unkind, but i can tell you from personal experience that it can become very grating on the nerves and i don't think any caregiver hasn't lost their patience from time to time. i suggest that you help her take a shower when she is getting changed for either bedtime, or getting up in the morning, so it is sort of a natural progression, rather than suddenly coming at her asking her to undress and shower. bring her a new item of clothing to try on, then say "come on i will help you.....let's get a bath" in a firm enough way to get her to cooperate. getting a visiting nurse sounds like a good idea. you or someone needs to take charge, and if no one can, as has already been suggested, some other care arrangements may need to be put in place. good luck. SignatureRegards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") How is it before people stop cleaning? my granddad still looks smart, showers, shaves and eat well. According to his neighbour, she tells me he cant remember me calling round if i was there the previous day unless something with him rings a bell. he often asks me whats the date but he knows hes going out in a day or 2, but thats the same place tue and fri > > We are having problems getting my mother to bathe. She is very obstinate, > > stubborn and goes ballistic when we gently suggest getting a visiting [quoted text clipped - 55 lines] > > (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") "Julian 'Penny for the guy' Hales" <julianhales@blueyonder.co.uk> wrote in message news:ei4Dd.52971$48.33596@fe1.news.blueyonder.co.uk... > How is it before people stop cleaning? my granddad still looks smart, > showers, shaves and eat well. According to his neighbour, she tells me he > cant remember me calling round if i was there the previous day unless > something with him rings a bell. he often asks me whats the date but he > knows hes going out in a day or 2, but thats the same place tue and fri hi julian, everyone is different, it seems. my uncle took a shower by himself every single day even into later stage alzheimers. on the other hand ida was not taking showers and it was unpleasantly noticeable before we noticed any other symptoms of any kind. i do know that in the 5 or so years i have been posting here, that many people have experienced their loved one's reluctance to bathe, so it is a common enough issue with alzheimer patients to deserve mention. if your grandad is doing okay, maybe he is one of the lucky ones for whom it won't be an issue. ida would swear she had a shower "just yesterday" when there was an inch of old dust in the tub and she was using it as a spot to store stuff. she had lost all ability to know when she'd bathed last, but to her it was "just yesterday"... Once we had gotten past the first shower after we took her to live here, i would just tell her it was "shower time" in the morning when i took off her nightie and she never refused me again, though she would grumble a bit sometimes. When she was fully healthy in her earlier years she was a clean person who loved to dress well and look good. so the transition to getting regular showers again wasn't too bad. one thing i must mention though, we NEVER let her decide when, and we never let her bathe by herself. she just didn't know what to do and would say "okay.... finished" and want to get out and dry off when nothing had been even washed yet. another issue is to remember that the older generation often did not shower daily, but was more used to once or maybe twice a week. that was how they did it so it probaby isn't realistic to expect them to bathe more often than that. i think it is very important to mention too, that we have a stall shower with a shower chair in it, and the shower head is on a hose. that single arrangement made all the difference in the world. SignatureRegards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") >> > We are having problems getting my mother to bathe. She is very > obstinate, [quoted text clipped - 66 lines] >> >> (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") Hi Evelyn. Thanks, im generally happy with him daily, just his short term memory but im wondering how he feels with himself, seems full of life and as funny/generous as ever. > hi julian, > [quoted text clipped - 108 lines] > >> > >> (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") I had to laugh at the two inches of dust in the tub when the AD patient said they had just had a bath yesterday. My mom is similar in that she insists she just took a sponge bath, and I ask her why her washcloth is dry and obviously hasn't been used. Just looks at me dumbfounded. :) "Julian 'Penny for the guy' Hales" <julianhales@blueyonder.co.uk> wrote in message news:mkeDd.57825$48.5563@fe1.news.blueyonder.co.uk... > Hi Evelyn. > [quoted text clipped - 133 lines] > > >> > > >> (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") >I had to laugh at the two inches of dust in the tub when the AD patient >said > they had just had a bath yesterday. My mom is similar in that she insists > she just took a sponge bath, and I ask her why her washcloth is dry and > obviously hasn't been used. Just looks at me dumbfounded. :) yes, exactly! she looks at you dumbfounded because the rules of what we call "reality" just aren't there anymore. to a normal person, being caught out that way it would mean something, but to a person with alzheimers things don't string together as causes in the same way anymore. they dwell completely in their own minds, reality as we see it just doesn't connect. SignatureRegards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") > "Julian 'Penny for the guy' Hales" <julianhales@blueyonder.co.uk> wrote in > message news:mkeDd.57825$48.5563@fe1.news.blueyonder.co.uk... [quoted text clipped - 174 lines] >> > >> >> > >> (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") >Subject: Re: Mom won't bathe >From: "Evelyn Ruut" mama-lionsox@hvc.rr.com >Date: 1/6/2005 4:09 AM Pacific Standard Time >Message-id: <NT9Dd.37546$kq2.25666@twister.nyc.rr.com> > >"Julian 'Penny for the guy' Hales" news:mY0Dd.39032$Yh2.17474378@twister.nyc.rr.com... >>> > We are having problems getting my mother to bathe. She is very >> obstinate, [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] >>> > we >>> > know she hasn't. In my opinion, if the person doesn't want to get into a bathtub and bathe, that's fine. There's other ways to get clean. With some people there is no way, no how and no who you are going to get them to do what they don't want to do. You have to use subterfuge and it's hard to trick someone into a bathtub. However, there are ways to sneak a spongebath on them. If they complain of itching and discomfort in the anal./genital region, tell them you can help put on an anti-itching ointment and instead, wash them with no-rinse soap. You can buy it at medical supply stores or through a catalog like Dr. Leonard's. You can pretend to play with their hair or massage their scalp while applying no-rinse shampoo. You can apply no rinse soap while helping them dress and if they ask what you're doing, you can say it's for dry skin or something. (Some people take offense at any implication that they need a bath.) If they need help going to the bathroom that's an excellent opportunity to help them wash the anal/genital area, buttocks and thighs. I find that it's good not to press the person to do the whole body at a time. Upper body one day, legs the next, foot soak another day. They're probably not doing strenuous physical activity that would cause them to get sweaty so that should be enough. My mom has become much more easy to convince to do things since she went on Zyprexa, but she still won't shower at home. She let them shower her at the nursing home when she was there for a month but that's probably because she felt so vulnerable and alone when she didn't have visitors that she just did what they said. ___ "The sea was angry that day my friends. Like an old man sending back soup at a deli." -- Seinfeld > >Subject: Re: Mom won't bathe >>From: "Evelyn Ruut" mama-lionsox@hvc.rr.com [quoted text clipped - 60 lines] > did > what they said. In nursing homes they have to give them baths on a regular basis, so it gets done. They are very pursuasive about it. The nurse shows up and you get your shower and that is that, no arguments accepted, I am sure. The only person who could pursade my mother in law she needed a bath was her son. After it became a regular thing around here, she never gave me any more arguments about it, but in the very beginning it was very difficult and there was a battle every time. We tried baths, but poor balance and slippery tub surface were not a good combination. The better way was the stall shower with a shower stool and the shower head on a hose. She was comfortable with that. SignatureRegards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") My mom is doing this also....she says she does but I KNOW she doesnt....she takes what she calls (excuse the expression) "whores bathes" in the sink....when she was here I tried to get her to take a shower and offered to help but she wouldnt let me..... she was here for over a week and I never succeeded....dad on the other hand gets his shower in the home....he dont fight unless mom is there and then she pitches a fit (she gets so jealous) and then the fight is on....trying to force them doesnt work....B > She let them shower her at the > nursing home when she was there for a month but that's probably because she > felt so vulnerable and alone when she didn't have visitors that she just did > what they said. It's more likely that she obeys those who are in authority, like doctors and nurses. She just won't accept that her daughter is an authority. I suspect, however, that if you had a home health aide *in uniform* come for a visit a couple of times a week who simply told her in a no-nonsense manner that it's time for a shower/bath that she might comply. You might want to try that. It can also be due to something unrelated to the Alz. My mom started going longer and longer between baths -- and this was a woman who loved long, hot bubble baths. It wasn't til my dad took a soak for a bad back that he realized just how *deep* their Jacuzzi-style tub was and installed a handrail for fear she would fall while climbing out. She suddenly started taking more baths -- she didn't want to admit she was afraid of slipping and falling. Songbird "Julian 'Penny for the guy' Hales" <julianhales@blueyonder.co.uk> wrote in message news:ei4Dd.52971$48.33596@fe1.news.blueyonder.co.uk... > How is it before people stop cleaning? my granddad still looks smart, > showers, shaves and eat well. According to his neighbour, she tells me he [quoted text clipped - 72 lines] >> >> (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") thanks, the social worker who visited put a note in the bathroom for him to use a seat rather than stand, but tday i wen to collect the dog which he had last night and i was late due to traffic and he was a bit mad as he was cooking me dinner, so i know he eats etc. he has fun with the dog, takes him out int he evening then in the morning a long walk in the park and paddle in the stream, they act so daft together. > It can also be due to something unrelated to the Alz. My mom started going > longer and longer between baths -- and this was a woman who loved long, hot [quoted text clipped - 84 lines] > >> > >> (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") |
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