gentlemen,

i am so sorry to see this situation disintegrate into bitterness.

there comes a point where denial and habitually soft-soaping the situation
reaches some sort of moment of truth and it just no longer works.

sometimes the person crashes their car or gets lost, needing assistance to
get home.   sometimes they take too many or not enough of their meds and get
sick.   sometimes they forget the pot on the stove and nearly burn the house
down.   sometimes several of these scenarios take place.   but one day there
will come a time when facing the reality of just how debilitating this
disease really is, is right there in ones face.

nobody wants to admit that their loved one has come to that place until it
becomes absolutely indeniable any longer.    it is a realization that nobody
can convince another person of, they have to see it for themself.   as
tmbleweed said, one day they want to drive to a destination that no longer
exists, or to visit people long dead.

those who try to explain this reality, can appear for all the world to be
overreacting, hysterical without cause.   we went through it with ida, and
we were as loath to take definitive action as those here are showing
themselves to be.

as time went on and her illness took more and more of her abilities away,
there finally came a time when the most reluctant of her friends began to
see the impairments, the weight she lost, the chaos in the house, the
delusions and despair,....... all of a sudden they wanted us to "do
something"

we were suddenly no longer the villains trying to deprive a dear old lady
her independence in her final years, and suddenly they got the picture and
did all they could to help us to help her, whereas before we met with
denial, resistance, disbelief.

so please guys, don't fight.   the inevitable will present itself soon
enough.  we can just pray no innocent person gets harmed in the process.
a person with alzheimers going out for a drive can end up hundreds of miles
fom home when they only went out for a bottle of milk.   that is one of a
thousand scary scenarios.

sometimes denial runs very deep.   but if we want to be able to continue to
help, anger can be counter productive.   trust me i know whereof i speak.

love to you all,