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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Alzheimer's / December 2004Tomorrow - Moving Day
Well, tomorrow's the big day for my client; she's moving from a smaller apartment to a two bedroom, ostensibly so that we can hire a live-in caregiver for her, but she's going to be told so that she can have a guest room in which to have folks come over and sleep sometimes. I have the key; when her longtime friend came over to sign the release papers with the manager, he gave her the key and she left it in an envelope on top of the refrigerator. My biggest mistake was excitedly chatting away at my client, "Oh, let's go see the new digs!" She was very angry and agitated. She saw the back room and said, "Oh, look at this *wonderful view*" in a very sarcastic tone. She most certainly doesn't want this new apartment and I wonder how her relatives and friends are going to handle this move tomorrow. I took the key for safe keeping. When her niece was up to have the other caregiver and I put up flyers, she took the flyers and tore them to shreds, then tossed them in the garbage. The couple that responded to the ad were gracious and sweet; it sounded like they were going to come forward to take care of my client, but they have mysteriously been silent with all calls and attempts to contact them. *SIGH* We're hoping it's just that they've been out of town, but we're not sure. In the meantime, tomorrow's moving day. I am *not* looking forward to what's going to happen, and so, may end up taking my client with my son and I to a movie so they can get the move done - though they do want to try and have her be a part of it, talking her into it the entire way through. If she feels like she's a part of it, they reason, she might very well come to the idea that it was her idea all along. We shall see. If it doesn't work out, then my son and I will whisk her away to the movies and maybe go play some tennis again. If you pray, please pray that my client handles this well, as she's so easily upset and easily agitated around change. Thanks in advance, Feather > In the meantime, tomorrow's moving day. I am *not* looking forward to > what's going to happen, and so, may end up taking my client with my son > and I to a movie so they can get the move done - though they do want to > try and have her be a part of it, talking her into it the entire way > through. If she feels like she's a part of it, they reason, she might > very well come to the idea that it was her idea all along. Save yourself the agony --- get her out of there and get her moved without her "help". Change is not easy, and all it will do is upset her. Distraction is the key, and AD makes it easier to distract her. Remember, she *cannot* remember, so she cannot reason. It does NO good to attempt to do so when all it does is upset her. >>In the meantime, tomorrow's moving day. I am *not* looking forward to >>what's going to happen, and so, may end up taking my client with my son [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > Remember, she *cannot* remember, so she cannot reason. It does > NO good to attempt to do so when all it does is upset her. I agree with you, but I'm not the one in control of this situation; her friends and family are - and they are in denial. We, my client and I, moved her huge oriental rug and vacuumed this morning. . .I was doing it in preparation for the move; she was helping because she's sick of the rug. *LOL* So far, no one has shown up and they were supposed to be here a half an hour ago. More later as it comes up. . .and thanks for the tip; *I* knew that we should get her out of here. . .*they* don't think so. Feather feather, they HATE changes. the best way is to have it all done and over with and then bring her there. you see, on some level they do understand that they can no longer handle such things, so they simply say no, and adamantly resist changes or anything that they can't handle. my mother in law was unable to shower up and get organized to go out anymore, so she just holed up in her house. she neglected her teeth, haircuts, even bathing and food shopping. hoping to convince her of the benefits probably won't work. having it miraculously just "happen" while she is out might be the better choice to consider.  SignatureRegards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") > Well, tomorrow's the big day for my client; she's moving from a smaller > apartment to a two bedroom, ostensibly so that we can hire a live-in [quoted text clipped - 35 lines] > > Feather > feather, they HATE changes. the best way is to have it all done and over > with and then bring her there. you see, on some level they do understand [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > work. having it miraculously just "happen" while she is out might be the > better choice to consider. Again, I have to say I totally agree. I just wish I could convince "her people" that this is so. I am merely an employee of the state here. . .and am in no way "in charge" of any of this. But I *will* suggest it when they arrive. More later as it comes up, Feather (((Feather))) good luck! donnah > Well, tomorrow's the big day for my client; she's moving from a > smaller apartment to a two bedroom, ostensibly so that we can hire a [quoted text clipped - 38 lines] > > Feather > (((Feather))) > good luck! > donnah Thanks, Donnah. . .as I told Dennis, I will post more as it comes up. Feather My father was initially very resistant to moving to a retirement home with my mother, a few years after being diagnosed with Alz' (saying "it's my money" and "we'll move over my dead body!"). For some reason, he was responsive to me, his oldest son, and I reasoned with him, asking him if he would ever consider a move there - he said "when the time comes". So I further reasoned, why not go look at it to plan for the future?. He thought that sounded okay. We brought him there to see it. A few weeks later we (my brothers, sister and I), helped my parents move, and setup my father's favorite TV chair, along with TV. He was happy as soon as he arrived and sat in it, and has only mentioned the old house once or twice since moving, which was almost a year ago. Pete >> (((Feather))) >> good luck! [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > Feather Peter Magoon wrote: > My father was initially very resistant to moving to a retirement home with > my mother, a few years after being diagnosed with Alz' (saying "it's my [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] >> >>Feather It went without a hitch. NOW we are having trouble convincing her that she needs a livein caregiver, only we're telling her that this woman will be a housemate and that I am still here; I only live a few feet away... She is stubborn with the other caregiver who tries to introduce the new livein helper. She is all smiles when I do it. Go figure. So, we introduced them again tonight, everything went really great. One of her friends came to take her to a Christmas parade this evening, so all three of them went. . .when they got back later, all was really well. Then my client, for some odd reason, got all upset. I don't know yet what happened, as the new livein gal had left. My client came knocking on my door tonight around 9:30 PM; she had locked herself out. When I went inside her apartment I noticed she had taken a lot of her pictures down, and had begun "packing" her things (piling them all over the furniture is more like it, but at least they were in neat piles). Clothes, pictures from the walls, her large jewelry box and some of her old drawings. . . ....she wanted to move and NOW. I talked her down and then called one of her best friends to help in that process while I got all her things put away. Rehung the pictures and the clothes, put the jewelry box and drawings away, etc. Settled her in front of the television to watch Four Weddings and A Funeral and she seemed OK when I left. . . .. . .in the morning I will go over and cook her breakfast and give her her morning medications. We shall see what transpires then. . . *whew* What a night! Feather > Peter Magoon wrote: > [quoted text clipped - 60 lines] > > Feather Here it is, three days later and all so far is going well. The new live-in caregiver seems very nice, but firm enough to handle my client *I HOPE*. They went to the day program together and my client walked out on her. Weeelllll, she did that to me, too, the first day, and tries to do it often when we're together. I can usually talk her down, but there are days when it's baaaad. . .and she and I have to go do something else to distract her before going back. Tomorrow we go again, the client and I, so the live-in can move more of her things to the new place. It's definitely a time of testing and learning to trust someone new, yet again, for my client. Remember, she came to *me*, and usually listens to what I have to say, which is really strange because we'd never met. I do miss our morning rituals somewhat, but am thankful there's a new person involved. More later, Feather Feather, good luck with all this... donnah >> Peter Magoon wrote: >> [quoted text clipped - 88 lines] > > Feather > Feather, good luck with all this... > donnah Thanks, Donnah. Today, my client and I went to the day program and my client stayed with the group the entire time without getting up and leaving. She seems to really enjoy it when I take her there and spend time showing her some of the things I am doing to help some of the other clients as an unofficial volunteer. She also loves the food, playing kick ball, and listening to one of the employees read the current events. She seems to just prefer my company over the other woman's at the moment. This morning as we were leaving, she was saying how much this new person bugged her (in as many words as she could, of course), and acted like she just didn't want to be around her. I think she's feeling crowded a little. In the meantime, her friend came up from down south for a visit today to get her some new pants, as she's gained some weight since I started feeding her. *oops* But at least it's not too much weight; she was getting pretty skinny there before I took over as main caregiver. This new woman is going to explore some dietary changes for her which will include a lot more fresh foods. I think that's a good way to go, but that she needs to consider too, that my client likes meat, as well. I appreciate your kind words, and reading of the other experiences here. Sincerely wishing you the best, Feather thanks, Feather, for the best wishes! I think it's good that your client gained some weight. Mum is finally over 80 lbs (80.5 :) 'Course now she feels like she needs new clothes because she is "fat." We told her after the Christmas rush is over and everything is on sale that we will take her shopping. That seemed to satisfy her until she got a catalog in the mail...hopefully she will be happy just looking and not buying. Take care, Feather donnah >> Feather, good luck with all this... >> donnah [quoted text clipped - 32 lines] > > Feather Oh, Donnah, Everything fell apart late last night. Wouldn't you know it; it was the first night in literally *years* that I didn't hang up the bedroom telephone - I left it off the charger all night and on the kitchen table. At 1:42 AM, the new live-in caregiver had called; my client had stormed out of the apartment and was agitatedly walking away, with the live-in caregiver in hot pursuit. OOPS. Big mistake on her part; she should have followed quietly about a block or so away, really, but that's all water under this very thin bridge now. . . the live-in lady rushed up behind her when my client started running. . .and said, "Tag, you're IT!". . .my client kicked at her and told her she was "out." (She used to be a softball coach). When they returned back to the apartment, my client grabbed the live-in lady and threw her outside. Oh-oh. She ended up sleeping in her truck. This morning, something was nagging at my brain; no amount of trying to go back to sleep would do it, so I was up at 6 AM. It was at about 6:15 that I noticed the message light blinking. I checked the caller ID and saw that she had called at 1:42 AM. *SIGH* I listened to a somewhat garbled message and realized that the live in caregiver was sleeping in her truck! Sheesh! So, I called my client's house to find out that the neighbor from upstairs was there and had slept overnight. OK, that was good. She left as I got there to cook breakfast and make sure my client had her morning meds. The livein lady decided right then and there to move out. She didn't even last a week. My client came over several times this evening before dinner and sat with my son and I for a bit until it was time for dinner. She was calm, in her pajamas and relaxed when I left. She prefers her space, I guess, but the time is coming when she won't be safe without a live in. I jokingly told her this morning as I was cooking breakfast that she could come live with me and live in the raven's cage.. .that got a laugh out of her and got the day started on a better note. . . . . .tomorrow morning I will head over and give her breakfast and morning meds, and leave one medication until nighttime so she doesn't sundown tomorrow night. Please say a prayer for us. . . God bless, Feather > Oh, Donnah, > [quoted text clipped - 47 lines] > > Feather dear feather, i am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time. we were very fortunate in that when my mother in law began to get that confused, she came to live with us, instead of remaining in her own place any longer. because of that she deferred more to our wishes as a "turf" kind of an issue. in our history she was always nicer to deal with on our turf than on her own. that isn't always possible, i realize. here's a hope that she adjusts better to having a caregiver looking after her as time goes on. hugs to all..... SignatureRegards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") (((Feather))) I am so sorry...and you are in my prayers. Feather, I'm going to be rather honest now, and if you want to whack me on the head--it's ok <g> Part of what I hear in your post is frustration and a bit of guilt, and that is something I think most of us struggle with on and off. This is a tough situation we are in...and makes it imperative we do what we can to take care of ourselves. Please, Feather, do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. donnah > Oh, Donnah, > [quoted text clipped - 50 lines] > > Feather You know, donnah, I had to read this and then come back to it later. I was feeling somewhat guilty, and haven't a clue as to just *why*, since I am not her responsible family member. I got to thinking about it, and realized my guilt is more around something else entirely. Thanks for showing me something I needed to look at. I took a nice break today between visits to my client's and am thankful. . . :) Feather Feather, thank you for sharing this with me/all of us... And I am so glad you took some time for you--that your heart knew it needed a rest and you listened! Way To Go, Feather! :) donnah > You know, donnah, > [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > > Feather > Feather, thank you for sharing this with me/all of us... > And I am so glad you took some time for you--that your heart knew it > needed a rest and you listened! > Way To Go, Feather! :) > donnah Seems I didn't do it soon enough; my client now has an ear infection. . .and seems like she's in some discomfort. When she came to my door pulling on her ear, I remembered the times my little ones did the same thing and immediately knew what was wrong. So, I called her doctor and they got us in there within fifteen minutes! We got some ear drops and she said, "You're so good." to me. I am oddly and wonderfully, honored and humbled that she trusts *me* out of all the people she could trust and have take care of her. There are times when she's angry that the other caregiver is not with her for very long. And she tells me in her own way. She's making up her own words now and we have some good laughs over them. I am coming down with something, and since I also direct our church's soup kitchen on Friday's, I am only going to be in there long enough to open it and print the church bulletins (I wear many hats in our church, as church clerk, church secretary, director of the soup kitchen, and a member of several committees - gardening, benevolence fund, cross - we are getting ready to erect a cross on the top of our tall church bell tower - and as a member of the women's group, I am the head of the missions arm of that group. AND, I sing in the choir, sometimes play my flute for special music, and am a Sunday School teacher, among several other things). I think I will come home after that and rest.....sore throat, and all that. . .feeling achy all over. Gosh, this better not be the flu. . .maybe I *should* have gotten a flu shot, since I am with a lot of elderly people twice a week? (Most of them did get their flu shots, however). *YIKES* It's Christmastime, and I am too busy. *LOL* Then there's the wonder; who will take my client for Christmas? Will this fall on me, or are there family members who will take her for a visit? I hope the latter. . . Thanks for listening, Feather So, today I will rest. . .and hopefully feel up to singing this afternoon at choir practice. (((Feather))) I certainly hope you are feeling better by now!! Can you "hang up" some of those hats and put one on that says, "Me-I will take care of myself first." LOL...I didn't think so--we get so used to doing so much, don't we? donnah >> Feather, thank you for sharing this with me/all of us... >> And I am so glad you took some time for you--that your heart knew [quoted text clipped - 47 lines] > So, today I will rest. . .and hopefully feel up to singing this > afternoon at choir practice. |
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