 |
 | Home | Contact Us | FAQ | Search & Site Map | Link to Us |
 | Sign In | Join | Other 45 Sites in Network |
Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Alzheimer's / November 2004A Whine--But Scared
Good morning... Yesterday was "one of those days" with my Mum. She was tired, but seemed all right. Then when I asked if their medications had been delivered, she started rambling about some problem with the pharmacy not being able to get some kind of approval... When I said that I would call them (again!), she flew into a rage and started cursing (very descriptively). Told me that she had taken care of it... One of her BP meds she calls her 'water pill." Well, something is not right because her feet are beginning to look like melons. And when I went to give Dad one of his heart meds, it was a different color...now I know that pharmacies change distributors and the color change may just be from that. But I wanted to call the pharmacist and find out for sure. My sister had been filling their meds in one of those weekly organizers. She did not get it done before she went to Florida so Mum did it. Trying to get ahold of my sister is hard, but she has got to check on what Mum did with these meds--did she do it right, etc.? I thought of calling Dad's hospice nurse and having her check Dad's, but that still leaves Mum's meds unchecked... Today if Mum says if whatever med she is talking about has not been delivered, then I'll call the pharmacy--even if I have to come home and do it. To me, this is dangerous. What if she did get the meds mixed up? I have got to get beyond my fears and get a plan in place...knowing Mum is going to get angry (most likely). And I know that there has got to be better communication between my sister and myself! But she backs away from talking about these things. Thanks for listening...I'm sorry for rambling, but needed to vent and see if anyone can offer suggestions. donnah > Good morning... > [quoted text clipped - 29 lines] > if anyone can offer suggestions. > donnah Donnah, Hmmmm. Medication mixups.....That was what convinced us to take my mother in law to live with us. She had been taking too many of her meds or not enough.... kept forgetting what she had taken and when. She was making herself quite sick at times and running out of her meds weeks early. Eventually the pharmacist called us because she was demanding new pills when she should have had two weeks left. Can you go over each of their meds with the pharmacist, see what the pills they take look like, and then go over to the house and check what pills are in what plastic container? She may get mad, but getting mad is better than getting sick from taking the wrong meds. Another thing my mother in law did at that time had to do with banking. She kept years and years of old bankbooks, and she couldn't remember which were the old expired ones and which was the valid one. She went to the bank manager and demanded her money from an old closed out bankbook, which she had long ago transferred to her main account. She did this time after time, going daily to hassle the bank manager, and told us and all her friends that the bank stole her money. Showing her the transfer into the other book didn't connect, and no amount of explaining would placate her. Only when her illness progressed enough to the point where she wasn't any longer concerned with money, did it finally subside. At one point she took my husband to the bank with her and her neighbor to the bank with her, and everybody explaining together still didn't connect. She was back at it again the next day. Ultimately my husband finally had to put everything away and out of her reach, explaining that he had all her important stuff, keys, bank records etc. because she was obsessively rummaging through all that stuff over and over and over for hours on end, making herself crazy and sick with it. I think it worked out OK because her son is a man, and he could be very adamant with her and put his foot down when she would get obsessive like that and she would listen to him. I couldn't handle her at all in the beginning, being another woman.  SignatureRegards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") Evelyn, thank you... I think you are right about checking with the pharmacist and I will do it this afternoon after I leave their house. What you said made me remember that this is not the first time Mum has had problems with the meds--before we realized something was happening with her. She would give Dad extra pills, which he would put aside despite risking her anger. And she was hospitalized once years ago when she could not remember if she had taken something so would take another...nearly killed her. She passed it off as stress in taking care of my Dad (and that may be part of it, but who knows?). Yes, I'm going to have to do this, and if she gets mad--BTDT! at least it will be for a good reason this time. Thank you, again, Evelyn! donnah >> Good morning... >> [quoted text clipped - 70 lines] > obsessive like that and she would listen to him. I couldn't handle > her at all in the beginning, being another woman. Donnah, keeping her meds straight is so very important. If she gets mad and yells, so be it. Just ignore her and blame the disease. Love you, Gwen > Evelyn, thank you... > I think you are right about checking with the pharmacist and I will do [quoted text clipped - 85 lines] > > obsessive like that and she would listen to him. I couldn't handle > > her at all in the beginning, being another woman. thank you, Gwen... I think I found a way to work around it <said with fingers crossed!> Today was a nightmare. Mum is really agitated and her feet are so swollen that she didn't even attempt to *show* me she could do anything. When I asked about the meds being delivered, she went on another rampage--to the point of calling the pharmacy and telling the pharmacist that she does not want him talking to me or anyone else about her medicines. She finally calmed down when I said I would stay out of it unless she asked for my help...a lie, of course. When I came home, I had to lay down for a minute and rest and pray. Then it hit me--Dad's hospice nurse might be able to help. She can double check what Mum has put in his container, and possibly check Mum's. Mum likes this nurse although she says all she does is give Dad shots that make him sleep more... Anyway, I called the nurse. She is going to check Dad's meds tomorrow and told me to call Mum's pcp about what is happening. She also said that she is going to talk with Dad about the other help that is available for them. My parents had only wanted pain relief for Dad and refused any other help--at Mum's insistence that she could do everything else with my help 'cause I'm a nurse. She doesn't seem to understand how long I've been out of nursing... She did tell me that she had been very concerned about how Dad was doing and thought his meds needed changed. Now she feels that Mum may be giving him the wrong ones at the wrong time, too much or too little...any number of things that could seriously harm Dad (or herself). She was very reassuring that things are going to change simply because they have to. By bringing in the social worker and chaplain, and getting her pcp involved, she feels we can get better arrangements set up. When I mentioned how her RO of a doc had been, she laughed and said she had dealt with him before and had no fear of 'getting in his face." So I left a message for him to call but haven't heard from him or his nurse yet. So, I feel some relief and some fear of the unknown...things are going to be changing and, even to me, that is a little bit scary. But I know in my heart that it's necessary... donnah > Donnah, keeping her meds straight is so very important. If she gets > mad and [quoted text clipped - 129 lines] >> > handle >> > her at all in the beginning, being another woman. > thank you, Gwen... > I think I found a way to work around it <said with fingers crossed!> [quoted text clipped - 33 lines] > heart that it's necessary... > donnah Donnah, Keep your courage up. You are so fortunate in that the hospice nurse can witness what is going on for you. We had no one, and the only person who could have helped, my mother in law's neighbor, was unwilling to admit that there was anything wrong at all. We are all praying and hoping for you that it goes smoothly and your parents get proper care. It's going to be OK, I feel sure about that. SignatureRegards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") (((Evelyn))) thank you so much! and I say that sincerely... I hadn't thought about the hospice nurse being a witness and able to get things going in ways that would be more difficult for me to do. Still struggling with the feeling that I am a "snitch", though! NO GUILT...it's got to be done for them and for me, but it is sure going to put me on the cr*plist with my sisters...their problem, not mine, right? donnah >> thank you, Gwen... >> I think I found a way to work around it <said with fingers [quoted text clipped - 48 lines] > > It's going to be OK, I feel sure about that. Donnah: I am a hospice social worker so I can with some authority tell you that hospice nurses aren't afraid of getting in an MD's face when their patients need something. If you can get your parents to accept the ancillary services that hospice offers for your dad (social work, Pastoral care, home health aides, volunteers) it may make it easier later when your mom needs the help. If I can answer any hospice questions for you, please let me know. Susan > (((Evelyn))) > thank you so much! and I say that sincerely... [quoted text clipped - 63 lines] > > > > (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") thank you, Susan...as soon as my brain fog lifts, I will have some questions! I really appreciate the offer...this is a big change coming and it is uncomfortable. My only experience with hospice was when my brother died of the same brain cancer that I have. He received excellent care, and so did the rest of his family. donnah > Donnah: > [quoted text clipped - 102 lines] >> > >> > (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") Donnah, this is the first I have heard of your having a brain cancer. More information lady! Gwen > thank you, Susan...as soon as my brain fog lifts, I will have some > questions! [quoted text clipped - 111 lines] > >> > > >> > (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") Gwen...I did not believe it when I saw that I posted that. I had to check when you asked me. I am deeply saddened that I actually let that secret out. It showed me just how much strain I've been under that I shared that... It was discovered last year when I had the stroke. Radiation and chemo have stabilized my condition. I have an absolutely wonderful team of docs working with me...we have become friends in a sense. It's the same type of brain cancer that killed my brother and several of my nursing sisters. We were all in Vietnam at the same time. There is a possible connection to Agent Orange. Few people know about it...Nick did finally accept it after his initial rage. He's a Nam vet, also, and it was very hard for him. My kids do not know...we decided to let them think some of the problems I have are the results of the stroke. We'll tell them the first of the year. Fortunately, both of them live out of town so visits are few and we have timed them so they didn't see me at my worst... I don't want too many people knowing yet. It's bad enough handling the reactions of folks to my physical disabilities--I don't want to add pity, etc. to the pot because of the cancer. I'm at peace with this. There is much progress coming out of current research, and I have placed my trust in God that some of it will benefit me. Again, I am sincerely sorry I did not check my post before posting! But I think there is a blessing in it happening--it's opened my eyes that I really do have to do whatever necessary to get help in place for my parents...partially because of the cancer, but also because the strain is getting to me and they do need more help than I am able to give right now. Love you, Gwen! donnah > Donnah, this is the first I have heard of your having a brain > cancer. More [quoted text clipped - 144 lines] >> >> > >> >> > (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") Donnah, is this public knowledge over at the arthritis NG? I can't remember. If it isn't, I promise to keep that info here. SignatureAdelle D. Stavis, Esq. > Gwen...I did not believe it when I saw that I posted that. I had to > check when you asked me. I am deeply saddened that I actually let that [quoted text clipped - 179 lines] > >> >> > > >> >> > (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") no, Adelle, it's not... and I still feel rotten about saying anything here :( thanks for the promise... donnah > Donnah, is this public knowledge over at the arthritis NG? I can't > remember. [quoted text clipped - 226 lines] >> >> >> > >> >> >> > (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") Please don't feel rotten, Sweetie. Not to get too Freudian or something, but if you said it, it was time for you to say it. There must be a need to fill around it. So if there is anything I can do, let me know. In the meantime, consider yourself hugged, and prayed for. SignatureAdelle D. Stavis, Esq. > no, Adelle, it's not... > and I still feel rotten about saying anything here :( [quoted text clipped - 231 lines] > >> >> >> > > >> >> >> > (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") thanks, Adelle... donnah > Please don't feel rotten, Sweetie. > [quoted text clipped - 282 lines] >> >> >> >> > >> >> >> >> > (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") Hey Donnah, this place is all about support - and we're right here for you. Some time back, one of our members was a relatively young woman with a terminal illness, looking after her mother all alone, while her family kind of pretended this was no biggie. You can imagine what we said to her!! You have to look after YOU in this whole thing - and I know its hard to find the strength to resist being guilted and coerced when it comes to care of your parents - but as someone else here observed, its time for the "this is IT" family discussion. It just CAN'T go on like this - and that would be true even if you were 100% well. Mary G. thank you, Mary! I'm happy to report that Dad's hospice nurse has taken charge, for lack of a better way of putting it. She did check the meds, and indeed they were mixed up...she contacted the pharmacist and he worked with her. She left enough meds for two days and will return to leave the same amount until all this is worked out. Mum's pcp is out of town and talking with the on-call won't help, so that will have to wait until Monday. Mum does have her regular appt on Thursday, although he will be called on Monday and told about the situation. It appears Mum had given Dad her "nerve" pills, as she calls him. That is partially why Dad has been sleepier--and probably part of the reason she has been so agitated. The change in both has been startling...Mum is much calmer and Dad is more alert. Nick and I took them to the podiatrist yesterday, and it was actually fine. They both wanted to go to the local steak house and seemed to enjoy themselves immensely. I know this is just the beginning, but I sure feel more hopeful! Sherree, the hospice nurse, will be at their house Monday with the social worker and chaplain...and I won't be there. It was recommended that this initial contact be with them so they can get a real feel for the situation. Dad is so much more alert right now. The rest of the family will be brought in after they make their assessment and make recommendations. Slowly, but surely, I feel things are going in the right direction. donnah > Hey Donnah, this place is all about support - and we're right here > for [quoted text clipped - 17 lines] > > Mary G. What good news! I'm sure things will continue coming together. Camille > thank you, Mary! > [quoted text clipped - 36 lines] >> >> Mary G. Camille, thank you... donnah > What good news! I'm sure things will continue coming together. > [quoted text clipped - 50 lines] >>> >>> Mary G. Hooray for Sherree! Good news. Gwen > thank you, Mary! > [quoted text clipped - 45 lines] > > > > Mary G. oh, Gwen...my feelings exactly! <s> the strangest thing, though, is that I feel more exhausted today--I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted, yet I am so darn tired I'm getting ready to take a nap... Both of them were very pleasant today, well rested, had appetites... and it was so good seeing them this way! I'm grateful for it even if it won't last--it is still a blessing to me. donnah > Hooray for Sherree! Good news. > Gwen [quoted text clipped - 64 lines] >> > >> > Mary G. Donnah, your adrenalin has kept you going and when it was no longer needed at a fever pitch, you were able to feel how tired you were. Rest, my dear, and enjoy the reprieve. Gwen > oh, Gwen...my feelings exactly! <s> > the strangest thing, though, is that I feel more exhausted today--I [quoted text clipped - 73 lines] > >> > > >> > Mary G. thanks, Gwen! I guess I knew that was probably the reason, but hated admitting it! The nap was great <g> and I have today "off" as my sil is doing the meal thing, so I am going to putter around and enjoy some time alone. donnah > Donnah, your adrenalin has kept you going and when it was no longer > needed [quoted text clipped - 98 lines] >> >> > >> >> > Mary G. Donnah, this just makes my heart ache for you and Nick--and the rest of your family, even though they don't know about it yet. You have been in my daily prayers for a long time because of circumstances, your other physical problems, etc. but this just make those prayers more urgent. So glad you have good care and are at peace about the situation; may God continue to give you the peace that passes understanding. No one will hear about it from me. Gwen > Gwen...I did not believe it when I saw that I posted that. I had to > check when you asked me. I am deeply saddened that I actually let that [quoted text clipped - 179 lines] > >> >> > > >> >> > (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") Thank you, Gwen... donnah > Donnah, this just makes my heart ache for you and Nick--and the rest > of your [quoted text clipped - 236 lines] >> >> >> > >> >> >> > (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") > My > kids do not know...we decided to let them think some of the problems I > have are the results of the stroke. We'll tell them the first of the > year. Fortunately, both of them live out of town so visits are few and > we have timed them so they didn't see me at my worst... PLEASE do your children, if they are adults, a favor and ALWAYS be completely candid with them about your health. i was VERY upset that my father hid the fact that after his colostomy, he was doing chemo because they found tumors in his liver, and he hid it from me for almost a year. i had both my parents promise me to NEVER do that again. in addition, you need to make sure now that both you and your husband have signed releases so that your doctors can talk candidly with your children, and also that you have executed a living will and durable power of attorney in case one of both of your are unable to make decisions for you. in addition, your family needs to sit down and have a discussion about your wishes in regard to terminal care. even if you recover, this should be done so that you all reach an agreement, and your wishes are perfectly clear to your survivors. thank goodness both of my parents were wise enough to do these things. especially for my mom, it made her last weeks so much easier for us. Dennis, thank you... Nick and I both have all the legalities set up. That was one of the first things we did... I still want to wait until the first of the year to tell my kids, and for valid reasons (to me, at least). donnah >> My >> kids do not know...we decided to let them think some of the [quoted text clipped - 25 lines] > things. especially for my mom, it made her last weeks so much > easier for us. > thank you, Susan...as soon as my brain fog lifts, I will have some > questions! [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > family. > donnah Donnah that is so scary..... I didn't know you had that. :-( Even more that your sisters should be on your side helping you. SignatureRegards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") >> Donnah: >> [quoted text clipped - 77 lines] >>> > >>> > (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") Evelyn, thank you... I replied to Gwen that I did not realize that I had shared it until I read her reply and checked what I had written... And you are right about my sisters, but they were devastated when my brother died. I chose to keep it from them for the time being... donnah >> thank you, Susan...as soon as my brain fog lifts, I will have some >> questions! [quoted text clipped - 124 lines] >>>> > >>>> > (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") > (((Evelyn))) > thank you so much! and I say that sincerely... [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > right? > donnah Donnah, Surely even your sisters should realize that taking the wrong meds or too many meds is a dangerous thing? And you wouldn't feel guilty if you saw a child playing with a medicine bottle and you told, right? Really and truly NO Guilt.... If you knew someone was mixing up their medications and didn't tell, that would be real cause for guilt. So you are only checking that things are OK. SignatureRegards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") so true, Evelyn! what must be done, must be done... today I actually feel a sense of relief that these changes are in the making. donnah >> (((Evelyn))) >> thank you so much! and I say that sincerely... [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > that would be real cause for guilt. So you are only checking that > things are OK. > Today was a nightmare. Mum is really agitated and her feet are so > swollen that she didn't even attempt to *show* me she could do > anything. If you have the durable power of attorney for her care, you can override whatever she told the pharmacist, and you should talk to him anyway, if only to explain her behavior to him. If her feet are swollen, that's dangerous! Call her doc and explain that she needs to be hospitalized because of her edema, and you're certain that she has stopped taking all meds (if she's agitated, she's not taking the BP med, and if her feet are swollen, she's not taking the diuretic ("water pill"), which will drive her blood pressure sky high. it was edema that got my mom hospitalized and on BP meds, so i know just where you're coming from. You just have to ignore your LO's anger when you simply take over things that must be done to keep them safe, but sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it. You must remember that her brain is not working right, and that YOU must simply take the parental role and treat her like a child. Tell her doc and get her in the hospital, where you don't have to be the one controlling things. Then find a good geriatric psychiatrist and get her referred to him. thank you, Dennis... things are already going that way...out of my hands and into professional ones. my sister has the POA, etc. and I was not added after my brother's death...and, obviously, now that won't be done. donnah >> Today was a nightmare. Mum is really agitated and her feet are so >> swollen that she didn't even attempt to *show* me she could do [quoted text clipped - 25 lines] > Then find a good geriatric psychiatrist and get her referred to > him. > thank you, Dennis... > things are already going that way...out of my hands and into professional > ones. my sister has the POA, etc. and I was not added after my brother's > death...and, obviously, now that won't be done. > donnah As I recall from having my own mom's POA, I can desigante someone to act on my behalf on her behalf. We put that in there because I travel (going to London next week -- yipee!) and that way if my hubby needs to step in he can (my brother lives whole continent away). If you are the one who is nearby, can your sister authorize you if your mom won't? I realize your sister is in denial, but if you point out that you can't get the answers to help your sister in a crisis, maybe she will understand that. (of course your definition of crisis and hers differ, but that's another battle...) Considering your own health situation -- and don't worry about "slipping" here -- I think it's time to have what my husband calls a "Come To Jesus" meeting. No religion involved, but this is downright serious life-and-death stuff. Your sister(s?) need a wakeup call as to your folks' situation (hmm.. could that wonderful hospice nurse explain it? Somehow an "expert's" opinion goes further ...) and to realize you can't be the main source of their day-to-day help because of your own health issues. I understand your desire to "spare" them the worry -- but that means you have a double dose to carry -- the illness and the secrecy. You need them. And there are times when you have to say, "I know you don't want to face that or deal with it, but tough sh**. Life isn't always easy or fair. You're not a child that needs to be sheltered from that." You're fortunate to have Hospice involved. They can be a great advocate for your mom indirectly. Their job is to ease your dad's transition -- and if your mom can't assist with that, it's their job to let people know. I'm at the point now where I have to put my foot down with my parents from time to time and they sulk, pout, flare at me. I choose my battles, but there are times when I have to say "I wouldn't let a child do this, so I have to step in." Whew! My longest post since I broke my hand -- enough for now!!!! Songbird (((Songbird))) thank you for sharing with such honesty...and doing it with a broken hand! Ouch! You have given me alot to think about... donnah >> thank you, Dennis... >> things are already going that way...out of my hands and into [quoted text clipped - 39 lines] > > Songbird > I think it's time to have what my husband calls a "Come To Jesus" > meeting. No religion involved, but this is downright serious life-and-death > stuff. Your sister(s?) need a wakeup call as to your folks' situation (hmm.. > could that wonderful hospice nurse explain it? this is a great suggestion, and it's helpful to have a professional mediate the meeting, even if it's on the phone. i would suggest that both a social worker and a nurse from hospice would be most helpful. social workers are good at keeping discussion on track and steering the conversation away from recrminations and personalities. Dennis, this is in the works...thanks. donnah >> I think it's time to have what my husband calls a "Come To Jesus" >> meeting. No religion involved, but this is downright serious [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > discussion on track and steering the conversation away from > recrminations and personalities. Donnah, I would not delay. I would go in person to see the pharmacist and get a list of all your mother's medications, what each is for, how often she is supposed to take them, and what they look like. Tell the pharmacist what is happening. She is on your side, and may help you with the doctor (i.e. if she is alarmed that medications are not being taken appropriately, she might inform the doctor about the situation - you need all the authority figures on your team). Clearly, it is risky for her to have open access to pills. If I were you, I would never leave her with more than perhaps two days worth. If you or your sister keep the rest of the supply, at least the most of an mixup that could happen would be a day or twos worth. You and your sister have to be less frightened of ruffling her feathers, and more about finding her half dead on the floor from mistaking her meds. I still feel guilty about my late MIL being hospitalized for medication issues in mid AD because we didn't realize the danger of leaving her with pills. We thought with appropriate supports it would be okay. It wasn't. MEG Point well taken, Mary (or is it Meg?) In my reply to Gwen, I shared about getting Dad's hospice nurse involved and what her advice was...which I have put into motion. To be honest, my sister doesn't think there is anything wrong with Mum other than she became a mean old woman...denial, I guess. It struck me when you said "authority figures" because Mum is of the generation that you did what your doc told you to do without question. 'Course she may rebel at what changes are going to be made, but I can handle that (lol, yeah, right!) Seriously, I can't hazard a guess how Mum or Dad will do with it, but I do know more about taking care of myself and understanding that this is a disease I'm dealing with--the Mum I knew is gone. Thank you for sharing this with me! It touched my heart... donnah > Donnah, I would not delay. I would go in person to see the > pharmacist [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] > > MEG |
Reply to this Message |
 Sign In
 Join
 My Latest Posts My Monitored Threads My Blog My Photo Gallery My Profile My Homepage Start New Thread Enable EMail Alerts Rate this Thread
|
©2009 Advenet LLC Privacy Policy - Terms of Use
This website includes both content owned or controlled by Advenet as well as content owned or controlled by third parties.