Keep this all in mind when Brother starts telling you that you're doing
A, B and C wrong when it comes to your father.  Which he probably will.

http://community.webtv.net/Dalesdomain/CatchMyFancy

Until things got really bad with my Dad, my brother was fine; however,
when he started hallucinating and became delusional, etc., my brother
could have been your brother.  He is currently in counselling and is
not doing well, 1.5 years after my Dad passed away.  

Show him where the bucket is and tell him you need his help.  If he
can't help, don't alienate him no matter how difficult it may be.

Darryl.

True.

But something came to mind and I wanted to share it.... there are people who
honestly just can't handle stress, can't handle seeing loved ones who
occupied a certain niche, losing their minds.

In our case, my husband is my mother in law's only living relative, so there
was no one else to pick up the bucket and bail water, but she did have some
friends, and some of them just could not handle or deal with the fact that
she had alzheimers.  Some are in denial even to this day.

I think those are the ones who have the hardest time in life, because they
just cannot adapt to the shifting sands this life offers us to stand on.   I
don't know if it is because my early years were difficult or whether it is
something genetic, but some of us are built of different stuff and we find
the resourcefulness and the strength to do what has to be done, even if it
means losing some illusion we have leaned on for many years, like our own
vision of a parent as being the "boss," the "strong" one.

I saw this firsthand a few years ago as one cousin was telling another
cousin how hard it was for her when her dad went through detox, had the DT's
and such.   The other cousin threw a tantrum saying how DARE she speak so of
HER beloved uncle (!!!!)   Never mind that it was the other cousin's PARENT
who was going through this and putting his family through so much, all she
could relate to was her belief about the man.

As I listened to the interchange I felt it was the sound of illusions
shattering.   That critical cousin never did see the error of her ways or
realize she was being unfair to the other one, no matter what awfulness she
had to go through.

Anyway what I am trying to say is that some people are just less adaptable,
more chained to illusion and beliefs about the category a certain person
holds in their life, rather than about the person themselves.   Those are
the ones who are going to have the hardest time, because they just can't
bend.

I am reminded of the story of the gale wind that blew over the strong oak,
yet the reed survived it just fine.

Your brother may just be one of those people who can't "get it"..... or
won't because he is protecting his own illusions.