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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Alzheimer's / October 2004Yeah! Getting Help
LOL...just saw my sig line after I posted that it didn't work <red face> Today the owner from the senior care agency met with my parents, and TaDa!, they are going to start with every two weeks! It took awhile for Mum to understand that I would still not be there the other Friday and they would have to call Jason if something came up--although I know she will call me and then I will call him. This is all right as I expected something like this, so I alerted Jason that it would be happening. It is such a relief to know that I will have this day with my husband, Nick. (I don't have dust bunnies, I have dirt rabbits, and they can just wait while I have time with my honey!) And having them choose the time, I think, gave them some sense of control and they need that. Mum was happy to hear what the "light housekeeping" was--vacuum, dust, clean the bathrooms, do the dishes, and make their lunch. Jason assured them that if they didn't like something that he was available 24/7 to help them. So Mum (may) remember that if the first person doesn't match with them, then someone else will be their helper. We worked out that Tuesdays will be my day for my doc appts, etc. and if I don't have any appts then I will be there...if I do have something to do, then we will call Jason and he will send their helper. On a sadder note, when I called my sister in WA--the one who was here for a visit--she told me that I was being selfish for wanting Tuesdays too...that having Friday should be enough. NO GUILT, I remembered! and I also thought, TS (sorry for that!). I have that fracture in my leg and am still recovering from a TIA that I had last year, so I will be taking care of myself, period. Thank you so much for "listening" and giving me so much advice! It has helped me tremendously and I am very grateful... donnah  SignatureI Didn't Cause It, I Can't Cure It, But I Can Cope With It. "Bama" Donnah, I am so proud of you for standing on your two feet and knowing that you deserve the time to take care of yourself and be with Nick. More power to you, girl! Glad your parents will be having help come in to relieve you a bit. Gwen > LOL...just saw my sig line after I posted that it didn't work <red > face> [quoted text clipped - 31 lines] > helped me tremendously and I am very grateful... > donnah oh, Gwen, thank you! I needed to hear that! One minute I feel ok about doing this, then the guilt sneaks in and I have to push it away...and I know it's part of dealing with this whole thing. I must remember that this is a journey and that I will have these feelings--that I'm not going to arrive at a destination of being completely comfortable.There are going to be hours/days when things are better and the same thing when things stink. But I am learning as I go (just like everyone else has had to do), and in a strange way that comforts me! I think I would feel totally overwhelmed if I had to learn everything at the same time... donnah > Donnah, I am so proud of you for standing on your two feet and > knowing that [quoted text clipped - 52 lines] >> helped me tremendously and I am very grateful... >> donnah > On a sadder note, when I called my sister in WA--the one who was here > for a visit--she told me that I was being selfish for wanting Tuesdays > too...that having Friday should be enough. If it were me, I would tell your sister that if she wants to criticize your caregiving, she can come do it herself, otherwise she should just shut up. I had the same crap when Mom was dying and I told my sisters that I wasn't interested in taking a shift on the death watch, but that I would come by the house whenever I had the time. They started about me not "sharing the load" and I told them that I'd put in my time for the past 15 years when they didn't or wouldn't come help, and that I needed to work right now. And somehow something told me when the time was near and I was there when she died. So tell your sister if she wants to tell you how to do it, she can just do it herself. >> On a sadder note, when I called my sister in WA--the one who was here >> for a visit--she told me that I was being selfish for wanting Tuesdays [quoted text clipped - 15 lines] > So tell your sister if she wants to tell you how to do it, she > can just do it herself. Exactly! Donnah, Dennis has told it like it is......:-) SignatureRegards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") thanks, Evelyn! donnah >>> On a sadder note, when I called my sister in WA--the one who was >>> here [quoted text clipped - 21 lines] > > Donnah, Dennis has told it like it is......:-) lol...no disrespect, Dennis! your words were exactly what I was thinking, although you said it in a nicer way <smile> And my family history has the same type of thing...I was there for years doing things for my parents after Dad had to stop driving. So I slipped into a caregiver's role very early, and I think it stuck in their minds that it would always be that way. Well, TS as far as I am concerned...if she and my other sis and sil don't like it, then they can do it all. Amazing how quickly you develop a thick skin when you need to! donnah >> On a sadder note, when I called my sister in WA--the one who was >> here [quoted text clipped - 17 lines] > So tell your sister if she wants to tell you how to do it, she > can just do it herself. > LOL...just saw my sig line after I posted that it didn't work <red face> > [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > helped me tremendously and I am very grateful... > donnah BRAVO Donnah! Your sister has NO idea how hard it is, and she never will until she does the job herself. You deserve a break as often as you need it. (((((( hugs )))))) SignatureRegards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") (((Evelyn))) thank you... She doesn't see over the course of her short visits what really goes on, and she doesn't want to. This I understand--she may be floating on that famous river de Nile (denial). But I am not buying into her guilt and duty and "shoulds"... donnah >> LOL...just saw my sig line after I posted that it didn't work <red >> face> [quoted text clipped - 35 lines] > never will until she does the job herself. You deserve a break as > often as you need it. (((((( hugs )))))) |
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