We've gotten Mom fairly well sorted out physically. Her blood sugar is
coming under control, and her pacemaker is preventing those "spells" she
used to have. She scored a 29 on the MMSE, and her CT scan (no MRI because
of the pacemaker) did not show Alzheimer's type changes but showed a pattern
of not enough blood reaching the brain. (No more can be done medically to
improve that part of the equation.) So her diagnosis at this point is
vascular dementia, not Alz, though we have not used that exact phrase in
front of her. I have called it "your vascular memory loss," because
"dementia" brings up memories of a family member who had to be hospitalized
for mental problems that thoroughly frightened her as a child.

The doctor has offered to prescribe Alz drugs (I'm not sure which one),
saying that recent studies show that they sometimes help even if cause of
memory loss is other. Her theory (and mine) is may as well as try it and see
if it helps. Mom refuses, saying she is on enough meds already, and that as
long as she has me and Dad she is OK. We rarely leave her alone, and then
only for an hour or so. Dad does all the cooking, cleaning and driving, and
I take her to all her doctor's appointments. (She cannot answer questions
about her own medical history correctly, much less remember what the doctor
told her or what questions she was supposed to ask.)

Dad is slowly coming to accept that she has a real disease, that she is not
just ignoring him when she doesn't remember something he has told her. He is
very reluctant to talk to her about her illness -- he gets very emotional.
(What can I say? He's madly in love with her still after 46 years! He just
is not familiar with the caregiver role and is having trouble adapting.) I
have broached the idea of sitting down with the local director of the Alz
Association to talk about what we can expect and what resources we can plug
into. I have already discussed this with her, and she is more than willing
to come to their home and let them set the pace for how "deep" we go in the
discussion. Dad seemed receptive tonight, but wasn't sure how Mom would take
it. Mom will go along with anything he suggests, and will meet anyone (after
all, to refuse would be rude and nice girls from Charleston are never
*rude*).

So I'm giving the idea a day to soak in with Dad and then I'll suggest it
again (if he hasn't brought it up as *his* idea by then.)

For some reason, though, I'm getting nervous about the actual meeting. Any
suggestions on how to bring it up to Mom, how to introduce the lady, what to
talk about for a first visit?

Songbird