My friend Evan died this morning.  It happened so quickly.  One month
ago he went into the hospital with a bout of aspiration pneumonia.  After
two days they released him.  Another two days later he was ordered into a
nursing facility by his geriatric doctor.  After a week there I moved him to
a much nicer, quieter, care-conscious facility.  He didn't improve.
    He asked that his brain be autopsied for an AD research study at the
University of Washington.  It was unclear if he had early to mid stages of
AD.  It seems more likely that he suffered from TIA's.  He was 87 so if it
was AD he was quite lucky not to have gone through the classic stages.  The
TIA's are more likely since he had dysphasia, which in the end caused his
death.  He couldn't eat a thing without choking.  He was too frail for a
G-tube to be inserted.  He didn't want it anyway, and after about 24 hours
of IV hydration earlier this week, he asked to be removed from it.
    He was conscious until the end.  The last two days were difficult, but
as death approached he became more calm and relaxed.  I am convinced that he
was frustrated because he was ready to die before his body gave out.  I was
able to spend much time with him in the nursing home...up to 12 hours a day.
I spent the last five hours with him, and reassured him everything was going
to be fine.  He seemed grateful to have someone there.
    Now I must tie up all of the loose ends and oversee his trust, selling
off property and getting heirs paid.  After that I don't know what I will
do.  I have been "semi-retired" for a few years (even though I'm only 47)
and so I was able to devote all of my time to Evan.  Like alot of others who
have taken care of their LO's, I will be left with a very large hole in my
life.  Not only because of the loss of the person, but also the loss of a
reason to get up and do all that needs to be done.  It seems that no matter
how hard our struggles, it feels good to be needed and relied upon.
    I guess now I can finally join that gym I've been thinking about for so
long.  That trip to Mexico.  Not having to worry about what he'll get into
next! But I don't regret a moment of it.  Patience and compassion and
frustration have all shaped my life in the last few years, and I am sure I
am a better person for having cared for someone.  I hope that others reading
this will see themselves in it and give a big pat on the back for all their
hard, often thankless work.  It *is* a painful road, but in the end what
really is the point of life except to care for one another?

Dennis