 |
 | Home | Contact Us | FAQ | Search & Site Map | Link to Us |
 | Sign In | Join | Other 45 Sites in Network |
Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Alzheimer's / August 2004too much.... (long, sorry)
stress, that is.... shouldn't have talked to my sister tonight I guess... have to work early tomorrow a.m. and now I can't sleep my youngest daughter lives with her... birthday is this weekend and they've decided that we're going to celebrate Saturday - all day Saturday .... at an amusement park there (1.5 hour drive each way) ..... just a ~little~ late for me to make arrangements for ma.... and can't take her with me, of course, even in a w/c... that's what I would have done before her heart/lungs started failing - now it'd just be too much for her kid will have to understand that I just can't be there...actually, kid will probably be fine with it... it's my mother who will be extremely perturbed... in her (chronically depressed) way of thinking, I'll be choosing my partner's mother over my my own family (her) - and my sister will feed into it, of course *sigh* Then, as if that wasn't enough for one day, sister called right back to tell me "oops, I forgot to tell you that B had a heart attack and has been moved to a hospital in Hamilton" SHE'S CLUELESS .... my sister I mean .... B is my father's wife.... and his only caregiver.... my father has dementia .... I haven't worried too much about him because B was taking care of him and has made it very clear for years (even before he started having problems) that she wants him to have nothing to do with us.... and dad always chose to let her have it her way, i.e. wouldn't go one INCH out of his way to see us even when I was right there in town (4 hours from where I live) because she'd "get mad". But now she's not there, and God only knows what's up with him.... I only have the odd phone call (usually very odd!) and second hand info to go on, but my guess is that he should NOT be there alone. No home care or anything set up.... my first inclination would be to get in the car and go for a visit.... but then I'm right back to the what do I do with ma? I'm the primary caregiver HERE...I can't just pack up and run to Niagara Falls to sort things out THERE..... My alarm is going to go off in 5 hours and I'm too damn stressed to sleep :( Not much I can do tonight though.... will call him tomorrow (for all the good that will do) and go from there, I guess..... maybe try to get my sister concerned enough to go see to him...she just doesn't ~get~ any of it ...doesn't get why I can't just leave ma here alone for "a few hours" , or why we should be concerned about dad being there alone for "a few days", or.... must be nice to be so oblivious...wish I could be ...at least for a few hours! Hi Lee, Dang family politics! You sure are between a rock and a hard place. Didn't yop have some people coming in to help your MIL awhile ago? Can you hire them for a few days so you can get away? Just a thought.  SignatureMare mfcoleman@THEOLEmindspring.com http://www.muggsmulcher.com/kstuff/a.s.a/intro.htm alt.support.alzheimers' FAQs and Stuff Pages > stress, that is.... > [quoted text clipped - 42 lines] > or.... must be nice to be so oblivious...wish I could be ...at least > for a few hours! have 3 hours /day covered... not really enough.... at this point, got my (CLUELESS) sister going there on Sunday ... just off the phone with her and she confirmed that B is in fact in hospital in Hamilton NOT in Niagara Falls as my dad told me today when I talked to him on the phone when he got back from driving himself down to see her !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He doesn't HAVE a license ...was taken away because of seizures, narcolepsy and dementia.... SHE... my (CLUELESS) sister...doesn't think we really can "do anything because he might get mad at us" ....SHE says no to home care, no to disabling the car, and no to bringing him up here against his will .... (what's one more? I have to be here anyway!) God FORBID he should get mad at us... As I told her, I don't give a damn if he gets mad at me, he is NOT ALLOWED TO KILL HIMSELF OR SOMEONE ELSE .... anyway ...she's going Sunday ...will try to get in to see B as well ....somehow I don't believe HIM about anything right now .... he told me B will be going home on Tuesday "at the latest" My kid is back from her dad's on tuesday ....I've talked to her about maybe, rather than going home right away, having her come back here for a couple more days so that I can go get dad sorted out - or pick him up and bring him back, if need be.... would rather not... we're under enough stress here as it is, but I can't run between 2 people that both need full time care if they're 4+ hours apart! My hubby isn't real enthusiastic about it, but he'd support it anyway ... he's majorally perturbed that I'm missing my kid's bday party tomorrow because none of his family are able/willing to cover it.... we tried to find a paid caregiver....starting from the ones we have anyway ... but that didn't work either... not enough notice. his sister is covering Tuesday for me though...so at least I can go pick kid up at the airport. Anyway .... Dad is RIGHT off kilter.... aside from the driving --repetitive, making little/no sense, and making up stories to try to cover .... sis won't be the best reporter ...but at least he'll have someone there for ONE day *sigh* Best I can do right at the moment..... she's to try to get phone numbers re: people I can call to arrange for a ride to the hospital for him on Monday and Tuesday, and if need be, I'll be there Wednesday to try to get things sorted out better ...... and to disable the car ....which will likely cause him even more stress, but stressed is better than dead, I figure > Hi Lee, > Dang family politics! You sure are between a rock and a hard [quoted text clipped - 85 lines] > ...at least > > for a few hours! > I'll be there Wednesday to try to get > things sorted out better ...... and to disable the car ....which will likely > cause him even more stress, but stressed is better than dead, I figure call Adult Protective Services when you do. they can help you set him up in a temporary care situation if necessary. Lee, Call whatever "authority" will be able to help keep him safe. Let them be the bad guys and leave the sorting out for later. SignatureMare mfcoleman@THEOLEmindspring.com http://www.muggsmulcher.com/kstuff/a.s.a/intro.htm alt.support.alzheimers' FAQs and Stuff Pages > have 3 hours /day covered... not really enough.... at this point, got my > (CLUELESS) sister going there on Sunday ... just off the phone with her and [quoted text clipped - 37 lines] > things sorted out better ...... and to disable the car ....which will likely > cause him even more stress, but stressed is better than dead, I figure just a quick update.... Dad is having an assessment re: home care this week ... his Doctor made the referral when he heard that B was in hospital, and Dad was home alone. B has been moved to a local hospital, and arrangements made for transportation .... car has been parked at a friend's house "for safekeeping til B is home" (Whatever works!) Got people coming in to make sure he's doing ok with meds and meals for now ... still need to sort out a couple of days so that I can go and visit, but at least for now he's being taken care of. > have 3 hours /day covered... not really enough.... at this point, got my > (CLUELESS) sister going there on Sunday ... just off the phone with her and [quoted text clipped - 127 lines] > > ...at least > > > for a few hours! > just a quick update.... Dad is having an assessment re: home care this week > ... his Doctor made the referral when he heard that B was in hospital, and [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > couple of days so that I can go and visit, but at least for now he's being > taken care of. That's good news, Lee. So far in this journey I have discovered that whenever I thought "I can't believe I have to handle this all by myself -- I can't do this," someone else shows up to help bear the burden, whether good doctor, friend or relative. I think it's God, others would say karma or just luck. (And I'm sure I will have times when I'm saying "OK, God, you're supposed to ne kicking in here -- where are you?" but just not yet.) Let others help as much as you can because there will be times when it is all on you. Glad to know Dad is being taken care of-- how is B? Songbird >stress, that is.... Hope you got some rest. I'm having a hard time dealing with stress lately. My blood pressure has been all over the place. I have to get a grip though cause I don't want to get sick. Stress is awful. Becky > >stress, that is.... > [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > Becky Becky it sure will kill you faster than anything else. An old buddhist proverb goes; If it is something you can change, why worry? If it is something you cannot change, why worry? SignatureRegards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox") |
Reply to this Message |
 Sign In
 Join
 My Latest Posts My Monitored Threads My Blog My Photo Gallery My Profile My Homepage Start New Thread Enable EMail Alerts Rate this Thread
|
©2008 Advenet LLC Privacy Policy - Terms of Use
This website includes both content owned or controlled by Advenet as well as content owned or controlled by third parties.