Well, last night my buddy Evan called at 1:45 AM to say he was trying
to get ready for work at Boeing (never worked there) but someone from the
government had just called him and was trying to get him to quit his work
and not tell anyone about it.  Needless to say I ran across the street right
away to find him in a very confused state.  I called Medic One and they came
to assist him (bless them and their fine work...I hope your hometown has
such a great service!).  I was sure he was having a "mini-stroke" or some
other vascular event.  We got him to the hospital where they discovered he
also had pneumonia.  I was real shocked, since I know I take very good care
of him, but it had managed to hit him so quickly...probably due to
aspiration of food particles.  He has so little control of his esophagus.
Unfortunately  his pneumonia was not noticeable to me, but OTOH it was in
such an early stage that it won't be much of a problem to manage.  So he'll
be in ICU for a couple of days.  In the meantime I am trying to decide what
the next step is in his care.  He remains in his home, and is suprisingly
independent.  I am with him 8-12 hours a day, and we lead a fairly active
life although he is quickly losing his ability to walk.  His deceased wife's
step-daughter stays with him at night, but she has proven unreliable.  For
instance she was totally unaware of last nights situation, even with the
fire department and ambulance crew coming in and out of the house!
    My biggest problem is that I promised him I would advocate for him to
stay in his home as long as possible.  In fact that's my wish for him also.
However, I believe his house is too large, he is getting unable to maneuver
the steps, and taxes and house upkeep expenses are becoming burdensome.  I
would like to get him into an apartment or assisted living where I am sure
he is being watched at night.  I'm perfectly willing to continue caring for
him in the daytime...in fact, the last thing I want or need to do is leave
his care to another.
   He has no one else to watch out for him.  He has four sons, three of
whom live in the same town (Seattle) yet have not phoned, visited or sent
him a card in many years.  I have tried to get them involved in his life,
but they simply will not have anything to do with him...I chalk it up to a
very bitter divorce and the fact that Evan and his wife both suffer from
underlying mental illness.  I'm sure the sons do too.  But come on!  He's
87, and the youngest son is in his mid-50's.  They should have grown up by
now!
    As a result of his circumstance he named me DPA and successor trustee
to his estate about three years ago.  I started out simply being a tenant of
his five years ago and our friendship developed to the point that he has
become the surrogate grandfather I never had, and a very good friend indeed!
Aside from his failing condition he still has a sharp wit, is incredibly
funny and kind and an engaging storyteller.  I am sometimes angered that he
has been abandoned by his family, but more often I am merely saddened that
his boys never got to know such a remarkable individual.
    It's 12:09 AM and normally I would be checking in on Evan about now.  I
really was a bit lost today when I didn't *have* to be there taking care of
him.  I chose to stick around the hospital alot of the day even though I
knew I wasn't needed, and that he was in perfectly capable hands.  I just am
so used to being around.  Even though I am a caregiver, I consider myself
his buddy above all else.  Well, I just felt like getting some of this off
my chest as we all need to do!  Thanks for allowing me to join in this
group.  And if any of you have read my rants to "Ethical Dilemna" don't let
my unabashed dislike of his kind allow you to think I like to flame others.
I don't, and I only will do it if I feel passionately that the poster is
someone willing to take advantage of us and our charges!

Dennis White