Evan came home from the hospital on Thursday.  All weekend he suffered
from coughing, choking, aspirating like I've never seen before.  On Monday
AM we had a regular visit to his Geriatric Doctor, who thought it would be a
good idea to go into a nursing home for a week or so.  I agreed.  The
nursing home is a shocker for Evan.  He is used to getting alot of personal
attention at home and though the staff are very good and on top of things,
it's just not the same.  Also a bit of problem sleeping since there's alot
more activity than he's used to.  If it weren't for the assurance that he
won't be left alone to get hurt, I'd prefer to have him home.
    Just lately the insurance company informed me that they won't renew his
homeowner's policy without an electrical update and a new roof.  It will
cost a total of about $25,000. to make the improvements.  He can afford it,
but my feeling is that he will never see a return on it.  He is not likely
to live long enough to recoup the profit from a sale.  I'd rather see him
spend the $25,000. on his care, something more tangible than improving his
house so he can leave it to his heirs (in the interest of full disclosure I
am one of them).
    His stay at the nursing home, which is indeed meant to be a temporary
respite has opened up the possibility of attempting to convince him to sell
his house, put it to use making him a bit more money and moving into an
Adult Family Home.
    I've looked into Assisted Living for him, but I'm sure he is too frail
to remain independent enough.  I will start looking for  an Adult Home in
our neighborhood starting tomorrow.  It is important to me that is is nearby
so I can spend a good deal of time with him.  I still intend to take care of
alot of his needs and comforts.  In fact, I don't mind him staying at home
and taking care of him as much as I have and more.  It is simply too hard to
navigate around his house.  He must walk up and down a flight of stairs to
get in and out of the house.  Although I plumbed in a toilet and sink in a
main floor bedroom for him, the shower is upstairs.  I'm also afraid he will
get up at night and fall, or worse.
    Does anyone have experiences with an Adult Family Home.  If they are
not licensed in your state, they are congregate care under the direction of
a professional in a family home in a regular family neighborhood.
Washington State allows no more than 6 residents, and full-time assistance
must be available.  Rooms are private or semi-private and most are equipped
to deal with dementia and dementia-related problems.  I understand the
monthly fees are a bit less than a nursing home, but more than assist
living.  Certainly the atmosphere is superior to a nursing home.
    One disheartening thing I'd also like to report.  I visited Evan this
morning and he told me he couldn't sleep well last night because his
roommate's TV was on all night.  He didn't want the roommate to forego what
is probably the only stimulation he could get, so he asked if he could be
moved to a quieter room.  I expressed that concern to the day nurse and the
Doctor who made rounds in the AM.  Later the nurse contacted me and  said
the doctor had recommended Trazedone to help Evan sleep.  Evan had asked her
to call me to see what I thought.  I really found that solution to be
unacceptable.  Evan has relied on naturapathy all his adult life, and I
didn't think a psychiatric medicine needed to be imposed upon him at this
late stage.  Also it did not get to the heart of the matter....noise.  I had
explained I would even be willing to pay for a private room if it meant him
getting more quiet.  When I visited this afternoon Evan nervously asked me
if he would have to take the Trazedone.  I told him it was entirely his
decision, even though I had told the nurse I didn't think it was the proper
course of action.  He responded: "Good.  If I ever OK that drug call the
Paddy Wagon!"  Of course I understand there is a time and place for
psychiatric meds, and meds to help one sleep, but used simply to make life
easier for staff is not valid as far as I can see.  I say simply turn off
the TV.
    I am not new to nursing homes.  My mother was in one for 10 years, and
my sister for 5 years.  I know that often times medication is used to manage
patients...often times it is overused.  In this case I thought it was a poor
solution to a fairly simple problem.

Dennis