Report from The UK Sunday Times. 2006 September 6

The world of obstetrics was turned upside down on Friday after
astonishing results were published in the New England Journal of
Medicine from a survey on the accuracy of urinary dipstix pregnancy
tests. These rely on the detection of a hormone, HCG which appears in
the urine about 14 days following conception. Shock waves reverberated
through the medical world when it was revealed that these have only a
97% accuracy.

Professor James Low, from the London Hospital Maternity Unit, was
astounded by the results. "The false positive rate for this test is
even higher that for conditions such as HIV, which as we know was shown
not to exist when the innacuracy of the tests was revealed last month
by HIV
denialists. I have no idea what we can do. Pregnancy is clearly a lie,
and our unit will have to close, rendering hundreds of midwives and
doctors unemployed. I dread to think of the consequenses for colleagues
elsewhere in the world, particularly in countries with high birth
rates."

A retail pharmacy spokesperson, who declined to be named, said "The
financial repercussions of this finding are immense. An entire baby
industry exists, built upon the bald faced lie that pregnancy is real.
Now we can see it is not, there will be financial meltdown in the
relevant market sectors. Think infant care products, clothing, buggies,
toys - you name it, it will all be over by Christmas. Sell your
Mothercare shares now if you aren't to late!"

Globally, parents are expressing delight. "I don't have to bother with
my kids now" said Irene, a relieved looking Mum who was waiting outside
Dell Primary School for the school bell, at least until she heard the
good news. "I'm off to the pub!" she waved cheerily, hurling her
babiy's pushchair into some bushes.

But others, particularly children, are distraught. "To think I never
existed!" wailed Josie, a tearful 5 year old we found wandering the
streets in Salford Keys. "And my mother didn't exist either!"

Pregnancy denialists are, however, jubilant. "We always knew this
shoddy test would perish one day under the weight of overwhelming
evidence that as many as 32 different conditions can influence results"
rejoiced Alexander Bussell, an expert in anti-aging medicine and
part-time artist and philosopher. "The whole obstetric house of cards
has finally crashed to its knees!"